Just who do you think i am?

I am Kintara.

I am a mother of two mostly wonderful kids. Xavier is 26 months and a master at pushing my buttons one minute and having me crying with laughter the next. Stella is 10 months old and as demanding as she is adorable. That’s right do the math, 16 months apart, and before you ask, yes I am completely insane.I have had a long road to motherhood as well as a pleasant surprise. I have bottle-fed and now am a passionate breastfeeding advocate. I swore I would never use cloth nappies, baby wear or co-sleep, needless to say my kids are both in cloth, Stella is worn more than she is pushed and sometimes co-sleeping is the only way anyone sleeps in this house.

It’s these contradictions in my own parenting decisions that leave me pondering where I fit. Then pondering further why it even matters?

My mother’s group with Xavier were what I guess you would call fairly mainstream parents. Some breastfed, others didn’t. Some had good sleepers others resorted to controlled crying to try and get some sleep. We talked about sleep and solids and pram envy. OK so it was just one mum who was envious of my Phil and Teds pram. I felt like I fitted in with these other mothers. Even though I didn’t always agree 100%.

Then as my pregnancy with Stella progressed I became more determined to succeed with breastfeeding in a way I didn’t with Xavier. I became active within the ABA and made some new friends. Some regular mainstream mums, others who were fascinating. They home birthed and were going to home school. They co slept and didn’t own prams, rather they wore their babies in pouch slings and ring slings and stretchy wraps. They supported extended breastfeeding and even tandem feeding. It was a whole new world.

Even though I was a double elective caesarean mum, I felt like I fitted with these parents. The idea of baby wearing and breastfeeding was one that was appealing. I also had a baby who was not only an avid sling fan; she was also a very keen co-sleeper, much to my displeasure.

So now as a mother to a 2 year old who was bottle fed, rode in a pram and slept alone in his cot from day one and a 10 month old who is still breastfeeding, often worn and co sleeps frequently I was intrigued by this 180 degree turn in my parenting.

It wasn’t until I went out to dinner with my old mothers group that I realised how alternative I have become. They were horrified at the thought of cloth nappies (even the one who used cloth for a short time) and even more so that I have friends who use cloth menstrual pads. They asked if I was going to be one of ‘those’ women who breastfed a toddler? I replied with my usual, “I’m sure she will wean before high school” response. While they bragged about their newest pram, I gushed over my newest baby carrier (I will have 5 once Sazz finished my mei tai). Until that night, I thought I was just a mum doing what was working for my kids, but it seems that my home birthing, breastfeeding, baby wearing, co-sleeping friends are having more impact that I ever imagined.

And you know what? That’s just fine with me.