Today we joined the league of 1 percenters...

  That's right... statistics show that 1% of 2 years olds receive some breastmilk... and Stella is now one of those 2 year olds. Sad statistics really, knowing that 83% ish of women initiate breastfeeding after birth... that number declines rapidly...a failure not of the mothers, but of the society we live in that bombards them with doubt, and advertisements for formula and health care professionals who just don't know how to support them... but we found the answers to our questions and a community to support us and we stuck at it and reached an awesome milestone... 

To read the full story of breastfeeding Stella, check it out here it wasn't an easy thing to do, but was so totally worth it...

But here we are, 2 years exactly after her birth and tonight she possibly had her last ever breastfeed, booby or booboo as she calls it... this is not my choice, it is hers. And while I'm overjoyed that this was her choice (as I know in my heart it should be), I'm not going to deny that a little tiny piece of my heart is broken because of it. 

The last few weeks I have been seeing that she has been losing interest, feeds had become less frequent and shorter, this was her way of letting me down gently... but I did encourage her a little so that we could be one of the cool 1% crew... 

I know I look so big to you,
Maybe I seem too big for the needs I have.
But no matter how big we get,
We still have needs that are important to us.
I know that our relationship is growing and changing,
But I still need you. I need your warmth and closeness,
Especially at the end of the day
When we snuggle up in bed.
Please don't get too busy for us to breastfeed.
I know you think I can be patient,
Or find something to take the place of a breastfeed;
A book, a glass of something,
But nothing can take your place when I need you.
Sometimes just cuddling with you,
Having you near me is enough.
I guess I am growing and becoming independent,
But please be there.
This bond we have is so strong and so important to me,
Please don't break it abruptly.
Wean me gently,
 

Because I am your mother,  

And my heart is tender. 

 

Oh and how my beautiful, gentle little mite, has weaned her mumma gently... 

 

Tomorrow, we begin the process of 'never offer, never refuse'. This means that I will no longer offer Stella my breast, as a form of nutrition or comfort, but if she asks me for booboo I will not refuse her. This could happen, daily, every few day or never again.

There has been many a quiet tear shed in the last few weeks... in quiet moments, just me and my girl.. in our special booboo chair. The place that I have sat and not only fed, but held, rocked, soothed, and cried with my baby when I could not ease her pain,  for 2 years now. And there are more tears now, as I sit here.. tapping away at the keyboard. 

 

Oh and the irony of finding a stray cloth breast pad on my desk to dab at my eyes with... I take your rain on your wedding day Alanis Morrisette and raise you a breast pad to wipe tears while blogging about the end of breastfeeding... there's some irony for ya... 

So I share with you, some of my favourite pictures of Stella's and mine breastfeeding journey... 

Stella's First breastfeed... in recovery...

At about 4 months for an ABA photoshoot

Dive bomb boob

gotcha

First Birthday Booby

Frankston Beach... 16 months

The all important Second birthday booby

I also have a hilarious pic of her on the boob wearing sunglasses looking totally rock star cool... but of course I cant find it anywhere... 

My hearts bursts with pride at just how far we have come. We worked hard, we fought harder and we did it. But at the same time, my heart aches, I will never again have a small baby at my breast. I will never have the opportunity to' just breastfeed' without baggage, after Stella proving that my boobs do in fact work just fine.  I have no doubt that what I am feeling is normal, I would have felt this way had she weaned at 1 or 5. There really is just a little feeling of rejection attached to this moment. I hear mothers of older children (and sometimes younger children) who breastfeed saying things like, 'I just want my body back' or 'I feel so touched out' and I imagine that being at that point, maybe makes weaning easier, maybe it doesn't, maybe being dumped by your booby buddy just hurts no matter what... but I'm happy to share my body, I don't feel touched out, I love breastfeeding.

So be gentle with me friends, and if you like indulge me a little... if you have pics of Stella and I breastfeeding.. I would love for you to share them with me... the more memories I have of this special time the better....