Domestic Delusions

Just a quickie..

2012-01-16T22:35:00.000+11:00

Yes I am well aware that I still owe blogs from our time in Paris. The fact that I still haven't done them, may give you an inkling of how I felt about the city of love.....

Anywho, this is a quick blog post to direct any of you who may be interested over to my newest blog Granny Chic where I will be blogging about my 365 (366 due to a leap year) challenge of making a granny square a day.

If you have an interest in my crafting, it might be worth a read.

Also you will find the link to my friend Nessa's blog. Nessa will be doing a weekly yarn bomb for this year... she had completed 2 already and I got a sneak peek at week 3 while she was at my house today...

Looking back on 2011

2011-12-31T09:00:00.006+11:00

Last year I posted looking back on 2010 and reading it again made me want to reflect on how 2011 has panned out.

Here is the list of what I was looking forward to in 2011, lets see how much of it has come to fruition.

What I'm looking forward to...

Xavier going off to kinder next year. he is so very ready and needs more than I can give him at home. it has meant the world to me that i have been able to stay at home and be his sole carer for over 3 years (besides grandma) but he is ready to move away from me and gain a small amount of independence. I cannot wait to see him shine. It's funny this one, as despite me thinking he would settle into kinder life quickly, it actually took him a good 7 months before he actually spoke to either of the teachers. He has become firm friends with a few of the girls in the class and tells me he enjoys going there, however, compared to how energetic and talkative he is at home, he is still like a mouse at kinder. I wonder if being there 3 full days in 2012 will help him feel more at home in the surroundings?
trying to get away with the DH and kids for a short break. I don't work all these extra jobs for no reason. Well not a short break so to speak, but a really long 5 week overseas adventure.
finishing ABA training and starting to really help women who want to breastfeed. they say being able to breastfeed your child is the worlds greatest joy, helping another women to breastfeed her child is the second greatest joy. After heading to Sydney to get this finished, I absolutely love my time both on helpline and in the office helping mothers with breastfeeding issues.
finding some me time and believing that I'm actually worth it and deserve it. This could be the tricky one...I really think I have started to get there this year. I no longer feel guilty at going to craft night, or to the movies with friends, or even asking my mother in law to mind to kids so that Adam and I can have some time out together.

So now for 2011 in review.

Highlights;

Qualifying as a Breastfeeding Counsellor and being able to help mums in an official capacity. I love my work in the office, I love working with Yvette she is not only knowledgeable but also so supportive of me and others. We feed and bounce off each other so well. Not only am I learning about the practical breastfeeding stuff, but also the history and workings of the association.
Finally getting to Tasmania to spend time with Emma blessing the way for the birth of Isla. It was lovely to get away kid free and even lovlier to be so welcomed into Emma's home. Now to get back there to meet Miss Isla in the flesh.
Watching the amazing relationship between Xavier and Stella grow. They still fight, a lot, but the adore each other, miss each other when they are apart and spend more time giggling and causing havoc then fighting now.
Squirrels in London. These little buggers are seriously the cutest things in the universe.
Rock of Ages in London. To be honest, I think this show would have been amazing wherever I had seen it. Definately my favourite show so far. Would happily see it again.

Lowlights;

Stella weaning. It was bittersweet. She breastfed for almost 2.5 years, it was a slow and gentle weaning process, exactly what I wanted it to be, but still the reality of knowing that I will never breastfeed again is still a sad one.
Running out of time while overseas and just not making it to Italy. Oh well, guess it means we will have to come back again to see everything we missed this time.
Paris. I was so looking forward to going to the city of love. But it was dirty, crowded, I constantly felt unsafe and uncertain. I'm glad that I went, but would I go again. No.

What I'm looking forward to in 2012;

Stella going off to kinder next year. She is so ready that its not even funny. Although I do suspect there will be several accident report forms to be signed for my little miss clutz.
More one on one time with the kids. With Xavier being at kinder 3 days and Stella there 1 day, it will mean a lot more time one on one with them. Having 2 kids so close together has both its perks and challenges. Despite the fact that they adore each other, they also feed off each other, so if one is happy, both are happy. But if 1 is being a pest, they both completely lose the plot, and its exhausting. One on one however, they are perfection. So I'm looking forward to having more awesome time with each of them and really making the most of the few short years before they are both at school and I return to working more hours.
Even though travel hasn't been all roses with the kids, I fear we may have been bitten by the bug, so I do look forward in getting away somewhere for a short getaway.
Finally getting around to doing our ensuite. Its been 9 years since we moved into the house. When we bought it we said that we needed to redo the bathrooms and kitchen. We did the main bathroom early on, but the apricot and black ensuite is still as ugly as ever. We were going to do it this year, but the trip to England has sucked all our finances. So back to saving and hoping to get a new ensuite before the end of 2012.

Sunday 25th December

2011-12-27T02:37:00.000+11:00

Merry Christmas.

*Can I just preface this post with saying that neither Adam or I can believe that we took barely any photos today. I'm hoping that the family managed to get some good ones I can pinch later, as Stella looked oh so cute in her Christmas skirt I made her*

Stella woke around 3:30am mumbling something about biscuits and Santa, then drifted back off until about 6:30am when she came into our bed for a chat. She chatted on and on about Santa and biscuits and presents. Adam tried his best to convince her to go downstairs to check if Santa had been, but she was certain that she had not yet heard reindeer's on the roof so there is no way that Santa could have been yet.

Eventually Adam offered to go down with her to see, and a little voice from the other room piped up with 'Can I come down too'. This was it, the kids were both up and we were ready to rock and roll.

They got lots of little gifts from us as we knew we were going to have to take it all home with us, (as well as all the shopping I may have already done here and we haven't even been to Paris yet). Stella was rather taken with her Tinkerbell doll but the hands down winner of the morning were their Zhu Zhu pets. I have never really seen the appeal of these before, but watching them scoot around the house, crashing into stuff before backing up and racing off in the opposite direction and the accompanied squeals of laughter from the kids, I now get it.

Asking the kids to get naked for a shower/bath wasn't a big deal, as it rarely is. Asking them to get dressed so that we could go out for lunch however, was rather traumatic. Finally after some pretty intense meltdowns, everyone had clothes on and we headed out the door to a pub lunch.

Grandma & Grandad were very restrained in their Christmas gifts for the kids, knowing we had limited space to bring things home. Stella got a my little pony and Xavier some new matchbox cars (I do hear rumours however, there are more gifts at home for them though). Uncle David & Aunty Teresa were also rather restrained with a skirt and top and a lipgloss/nail polish kit for Stella and this awesome glow drawing board thingy and a dinosaur quicksand kit for Xavier. Aunty Sarah however, went a bit nuts. Luckily for her she had prearranged with Grandma & Grandad to take some of the presents she had for the kids back with them, meaning that we may just get away without having to pay excess baggage to fit it all in.

The pub we had lunch at was on the river Thames so after lunch we collected up the bread we didn't eat and went out to let the kids feed the ducks. The Thames is a tidal river, which really doesn't mean that much to me, but I worked out quick smart what that meant yesterday. When the kids began feeding the ducks the water was about 5cm below the stone bank. within 10-15 minutes, the entire road between the river and pub was flooded and the locals confirmed that during a really high tide you actually get stuck in the pub waiting for the waters to recede. It was insane. I have never seen anything like it before. And this happens every day. I'm not taking slightly wet feet either, I'm taking knee high waters outside the pub. Still now, I cannot believe just how fast the water came up.

We were dropped home and the kids happily played with their toys (minus Stella's Zhu Zhu which she somehow left at the pub) while Adam and I got to tidying up and packing up all the things we didn't need to take to Paris with us. David is going to collect what we aren't taking tomorrow and store it at his house while we are away. We will collect it from him new years day before we fly home.

Later in the afternoon David, Teresa and Sarah dropped back in and hyped the kids up no end. We had to let them just wind down for a good hour before even considering bed once they left.

I burnt pizza we were planning for dinner, so I had leftover pasta from the night before and Adam had soup. We stayed up too late organising bags and waiting for clothes to wash so we could attempt to get them dry before David collects our bags tomorrow.

Saturday 24th December

2011-12-27T02:06:00.000+11:00

Adam headed off early to get into Leicester Square in the hope of picking up 4 half price tickets to Rock of Ages. We had heard that sometimes there were big lines but when he got there it was only him and 1 other person. He managed to secure us 4 tickets in the 5th row of the stalls for almost half the price of regular tickets.

The funny bit is, last night he had looked online to see if there were seats available, and it offered us the exact same seats for 69 pound each, we got them for 39 pound each.

It was FREAKING AMAZING! I love going to the theatre, I have seen a fair bit. Had we not had the kids with us on this trip, I would have been at the theatre every second night catching up on everything I have ever wanted to see. Which is almost possible here as there is just so much showing all the time.

The lead guy who played Drew was HOT! And I will admit I rather enjoyed the scantily clad women also. At the start of the show one of the hot women came and sat in the empty seat next to David, but he was scared and refused to suck her icypole. I would have, she was hot too.

It was funny, laugh out loud funny. We sang, we rocked, we got covered in glitter. I adore live theatre. There is something about seeing someone so close that is awesome. I love it when someone tells a joke that is so funny they cant help but laugh at themselves and almost completely lose it. I love it when stuff happens that no one, including the cast, are not expecting. During our show, Lonny (the narrator) dressed Drew as a Christmas elf, which had everyone in hysterics.

During interval I said to Adam, this is the best, when can we go again?

My charming husband groping my boob after the show

I purchased a new suggest work uniform for myself

Yvette isn't keen as it doesn't come in purple

We were able to head out to the theatre only because Aunty Sarah was willing and able to come and sit with the children. They did baking, making cupcakes and decorated biscuits for Santa. She even convinced them to tidy up as well as eat dinner. Stella was in bed when we got home, not asleep, but in bed, which is quite the feat.

Naturally we sat up until some insane hour to wrap presents for the kids and organise the letter from Santa letting the kids know that he had left some of the bigger presents at home for them, a trampoline and scooters.

Friday 23rd December

2011-12-27T00:47:00.000+11:00

Today we headed off to the Tower of London. We had saved up our Grandparents babysitting options in order to not take the kids to the tower with us. Its a long day there and in all honestly its just not interesting to 2 small children. While they have done their best to be wheelchair accessible (aka pram friendly) its an ancient castle with cobbled roads and lots of stairs and narrow halls. Sadly, Grandma called around 7am (waking us up) to tell us that Grandad wasn't feeling well so they wouldn't be able to have the kids. I will admit I did entertain the thought of telling Adam to go to the tower alone with his sister as the kids were just going to ruin the day for us anyway, but I wanted to see the Crown Jewels too.

Having to pack for the kids for the day at short notice meant that we were a bit later than expected not to mention the stairs that Adam had to carry the pram up and down from trains. It was surprisingly busy there, its the first time we have had to actually line up to buy tickets to anywhere. A free tour with a Beef Eater is included in the entry price, however, there were about 40+ people on each tour and the kids were just going to be noisy and disruptive so we decided we would just wander at our leisure.

The kids were whiney, as expected and Adam spent a great deal of the day like this;

Daddy is a pack horse

Stella was rather interested in the guard with the machine gun who was guarding the door to the jewels, so we headed over to have a look at him. Clearly not only does my daughter have a calling to spin around every single pole she sees (she is in her element on all the trains here) but now she also has a fascination for men who carry weapons *sigh*

I cannot begin to imagine how boring and annoying that job must be

The crown jewels are pretty much the only place you cant take photos at the Tower. But I will admit I did roll my eyes when on the train Adam came out with "Are you going to enjoy checking out the diamonds in the crown jewels? Some are the size of your ball sack." charming hey? The hilarious bit is that he wasn't wrong. There are some freaking HUGE diamonds in those crowns.

The ravens at the Tower are huge. There is the belief that if the ravens ever leave the tower then the monarchy will collapse. It appears that feeding them fresh meat, including the odd rabbit, isn't enough to ensure they stay. They also clip their wings so that they cant fly away. I also read that raven's mate for life. I always get a little kick out of animals that seem to fall in love and hang together forever.

There is the massive central building at the site, that was once a palace but there are also areas all around that look like your general suburban street. We discovered that they actually are regular houses where the Beefeater's and their families live. Pretty cool I think. I wonder what their addresses are. 13 Offwithherhead lane, Tower of London? The Beefeater's are actually pretty cool. I expected them to be more like the guards, just wandering around being all stern and serious, but they are really great at chatting to the kids, stopping for photos and one tried his best to humour Stella out of a foul mood. It didn't work.

The White Tour (original palace)

Xavier was slightly interested in the canons, so we talked a bit about how they worked (thank god for his knowledge of the result of a bouncy ball into a lego house which made it all much easier) and he really seemed to enjoy the armour. He made everyone around him laugh when he asked in that bumpy bit was to protect the man's doodle (it was a pretty over exaggerated cod piece to be honest).

Xavier was rather taken with this dragon

Adam wanted to do the walk around the top of the outer walls, it was starting to rain, it was cold and the kids were driving me nuts. I suggested that Adam take a child with him and I would take the other one to have a coffee. Naturally, as soon as they were separated, they were both the picture of perfection. Stella and I had a hot chocolate each and despite me buying a muffin to share, Stella pretty much inhaled the entire thing.

Adam took a photo from the top wall of Stella & I sharing coffee.

By the time we were ready to go the rain really started to pick up. We took refuge in the gift shop and bought a few small items then made a run for it to an undercover area. Adam commented on facebook that it was pouring with rain in the following photo, and a friend commented that he had imagined that it was raining in all our photos. However, it was the first real rain we have had since we have been here. There have been patches of light rain for 10 min at a time, and even this rain was all over and done with within half an hour.

Photo by Xavier

Pouring with rain

I have no doubt that Adam really enjoyed the Tower and had we been kid free, he would have spent a whole lot more time there. Personally, it was just one more lot of old stuff for me. The Crown Jewels were cool but the rest of it I could have left and been fine. I have said several times since we have been here though that I really need to get a better understanding of the history of the royals to perhaps understand the significance of it all more. I was tempted to buy a royal history children's book to get up to speed. lol.

Thursday 22nd December

2011-12-24T23:19:00.000+11:00

After dragging the kids around to all kinds of things they are just too young to really appreciate, we decided today was about the kids. I had booked tickets to see a Santa panto and Aunty Sarah was coming along for the ride.

The station next along the line from ours is called New Malden. Xavier announced very early on that New Malden was his favourite station and every day on the train he asks if we are getting off at New Malden. Today was that day. We didn't need to go to New Malden, but I had to go and top up the credit on our phones in Kingston before we could head to the lunchtime panto, so Adam and Xavier got the train in the opposite direction and got off and New Malden just to see what was there and just so Xavier could say that he got off at New Malden.

They discovered New Malden has a McDonands.

Stella and I just missed a train at Kingston as I had to also top up my travel card, but it turns out that when we got to New Malden, Adam and Xavier were standing at the exact door of the carriage we were on. I assumed they would have got the earlier train, and even so, whats the chances of them actually getting on the same carriage without even knowing which one we were on.

The panto was small but cute. The theatres big panto is Aladdin, however, my kids have no idea of that story so we figured that the smaller Santa one was a better option. The kids sang along and got into the 'behind you' and 'hello charlie' of the panto, but neither was keen to sit on Santa's knee after the show. He was a wonderful Santa, with a real beard and really did his best to get us pics with him in them. Best Santa we have seen ever I would go as far as saying.

Waiting for the Panto to start

Stella is not at all sure about Santa

Xavier is really not happy about the situation

A Peppa Pig stage show is coming to the theatre next year, and while we wont be here to see it, the kids (and Adam) did enjoy playing with the poster.

Adam & Xavier

Stella & Adam (think she was chucking a fit)

Photography by Xavier

We got back to Kingston and began the hunt for a new suitcase, as the airline broke one of ours on the way over. We also managed to talk the kids into visiting one of the story telling sheds. It was nothing like we expected. I thought it would be people dressed up simply reading to the children, but it was actors actually telling a story. The woman we had was wonderful, she moved around, she made eye contact with everyone in the room, she had the children and adults alike fully engaged in what was happening. And the best bit, it was all over in 10 minutes, the perfect length of time for young children.

We got home, had dinner and 2 exhausted children were in bed before 6:30pm. Yah!

Wednesday 21st December

2011-12-24T22:48:00.000+11:00

Today we all headed into London with the plan that I would go and visit Shakespeare's Globe theatre by myself. Adam was going to take the kids to do something else and let me have some quiet time to enjoy the theatre without the kids going nuts.

Outside the Globe

Another view outside

I have always loved teaching Shakespeare. I love the sauciness of the times and the controversy surrounding his life. The Globe is situated in an area of London known as Bankside. Now its a nice suburb that draws locals and tourists alike, but in Shakespeare's time, Bankside was considered the wrong side of the river. People only went to Bankside for the theatre, brothels, animal fighting and drinking. No-one ever considered actually living there.

The current Globe isn't built on the original site (the original Globe burnt down when a canon prop went wrong during a play and the reconstruction was torn down years later by some religious crazies) but this globe has been built using traditional dimensions and building techniques. Sadly during my tour there were restoration works going on, which meant that I couldn't see all of the stage area but it is still a very impressive building. I'm so sad that they don't run a winter season, it would have been amazing to actually see a play being held there, but we did get the opportunity to watch some actors rehearsing some Shakespeare which was better than an empty stage I guess. I visit sites of significance like The Globe and Stratford-Upon-Avon and the poets corner in Westminster Abbey and just cant stop thinking about how I can organise a school camp to these places once I go back to work. I crave visiting such sites with other who not only appreciate how important they are, but also are as awestruck as myself when there.

Rehersals

thatch roof, this is what caught fire in the original globe

To add the the sauciness of the time, I also learnt during the tour that in Shakespeare's time one of the churches (I don't recall which one and don't want to get it wrong and insult and entire religion) owned all the brothels and allowed their 'girls' to attend the theatre looking for work. These women were referred to as the white geese girls, they wore pale makeup, a white apron and waved a white handkerchief making them apparently look like white geese. So while women were not allowed to perform on stage due to it being completely immoral, it was perfectly fine for the church to employ prostitutes to scout for work at the theatre.

I did spend up a bit at the gift shop, needing to buy new illustrated versions of Macbeth and Romeo & Juliet (my original book was lent to a colleague who never returned it), I also bought a great "You are quoting Shakespeare' poster a magnet and an "out damn spot' tote bag. Can you guess Macbeth is my favourite.

After my tour I met up with Adam and the kids and we jumped on a train and light rail to Greenwich. Which was nothing like I expected. I'm sure I had in my head that Greenwich was this awesome, cute, funky little village with great shopping, and maybe it is, maybe I just missed that bit, but all I saw was the Naval something or other and the massive hill up to the observatory and the line thingy. (you can gauge my level of interest here, hey?). There was no way that with my knees on fire (still) I was hiking up that hill, Adam didn't even ask me if I wanted to, he knew the answer already, so instead he asked the kids who both wanted to go with him. So I sat in a covered walkway and watched the as far as I could up the hill.

The massive hill to the observatory

Adam and Stella across the line

Bunny had a turn too

I was sitting under the walkways

We got a little lost trying to find the right train back, but a lovely policeman must have seen us looking confused and asked if he could help, the entry to the station was across the road from where were had stopped, so we weren't as lost as we thought. We made it home in one piece and despite claiming we needed an early night, stayed up much later than we should have.

Tuesday 20th December

2011-12-21T19:37:00.000+11:00

After our late night last night, the kids were up ready to go at 7am, so in total about 6.5 hours sleep. Nowhere near enough for kids who need at least 12 hours to function.

Adam cant just sit still, so he headed into London to continue his mission to get photos of the complete monopoly board.

We had no food in the house, so the kids and I decided to head into Kingston to grab something to eat. It took almost 2 hours to convince Xavier and Stella to get dressed, and ended up in me dressed and walking out the front door without them before they realised I was serious about putting some clothes on.

We bused it into town and ended up at McDonalds, where else would you end up with our kids? The kids had a lovely chat to a woman on the bus and her teenage daughter, the woman was a nursery school teacher, so was wonderful at getting them to share. After lunch I suggested that perhaps we could go and listen to some story reading. Here in Kingston during Christmas they have like little wooden sheds set up throughout the town and people in costume read stories to the children. It's free, but you are encouraged to make a donation to a local charity. The shed is all warm and has cushions and soft lighting and looks rather inviting. I thought story reading would be awesome, but Xavier pretty much laid down on the footpath at the suggestion wailing "I'm too very tired, I must go home and just have a little rest right now". So we came home. Of course once we were on the bus, Stella declared "Mum I thought we were going to story reading? I wanna go to story reading. I wanna hear stories, mum, mum, mum, mum why aren't we having stories?" etc etc. Of course at that moment Adam called to tell me Dave was coming over to collect his suit so it was handy we were on the way home anyway. All the while Stella continued on with the story reading complaints. By the time I got off the phone to Adam the kids had decided that one day Xavier was going to stay at home with Daddy and Mumma and Stella were going to get on the bus for story reading. I did suggest that they both stay home with Daddy and I could go and do something alone, but Stella matter-of-factly informed me "that just not going to work for me mumma." *sigh*

They did come home and crash on the beanbags and watched a kids movie about Rudolph the red nosed reindeer. Which reminds me, we still need to take them to Richmond park (walking distance) to see actual deer. Although at one point Stella got rather upset about Rudolph 'not being able to do anything right' and there were tears when the abominable snowman dropped a log on Rudolph and knocked him out. But all was well once he got to lead Santa's sleigh. *phew*

Despite being so tired, they still both farted about for a good hour at bedtime. I just keep reminding myself that Xavier was just as hard to get to sleep at Stella's age and it will pass.

Monday 19th December

2011-12-21T19:36:00.000+11:00

The day started bright and early with Adam and Xavier needing to head off early to David's to prepare for the fun that was to follow.

Teresa is Chinese and in the last few days we have learnt there is a whole world of tradition that goes along with a Chinese wedding. Apparently we got the abridged version, but it was still a whole heap of fun.

The festivities began at 9:15am where David and his 'posse' arrived at the bride's house to complete some challenges set by her bridesmaids to prove he was worthy of marrying her. Stella and I were there already waiting to see what challenges were going to be set. As Adam was one of the best men, David had the option of handing over any challenges that were too hard to the best men to complete on his behalf.

After being dressed appropriately in a Chinese jacket, hat and a big red bow, David was asked to first prove his strength by doing 20 push ups, easy enough, but they added a small cousin to his back while this happened. He was then presented with a plate of small crackers topped with chilli paste and wasabi with the instructions that the entire plate was eaten. He chose to share these tasty treats around his posse. Next the posse had to carry David (who is 6'5") across the street and back, and its a very busy road they had to dodge buses, cars and cyclists. In honour of the stag do, the posse had to perform lap dances for David as well a lick chocolate sauce and wasabi out of a nappy (don't ask). There was passing a jelly bean around the circle, using only their mouths and a drink of soy sauce and wasabi to wash it all down. At this point the bridesmaids decided that he was worthy of Teresa's hand, however, there was the small task of negotiating how much cash David was willing to hand over for her. Once payment had been made, David was allowed to enter the house and carry Teresa down the stairs.

There was food and drink for all before the official tea ceremony began. David and Teresa had to serve tea to family members starting with the eldest and working down. For generations older than them David and Teresa had to kneel to do this, but for their generation, they stood to serve tea. Adam and I were close to the last to be served, seeing as Adam is only 16 months older than David, even though I am younger than both David and Teresa, because I am married to David's elder they had to serve me tea too. In return for serving us tea, we handed them a red envelope with lucky money enclosed.

Adam, David and Xavier then headed back to get suited up for the wedding. Stella went with Grandma and Grandad to get ready and I headed to the hairdresser to glam up a bit.

I'm not scared to say that there were several people worried about if Xavier and Stella were going to come to the party and perform in their roles of ring bearer and flower girl. They had both gotten dressed without too much fuss, which was a positive start, but when push came to shove, Xavier was more than prepared to step up to his very special job carrying the rings but despite all the coaxing in the world, Stella refused point blank to walk down the aisle with the other flower girls.

Yep Stella wasn't going to walk down any aisle.

Xavier was questionable too

The wedding was beautiful. The venue amazing. The meals delicious. The photos will show this better than any words I can come up with. Adam was so nervous about having to give a speech but he totally rocked it. I planned to stay around to see the first dance, then take the kids home. The first dance was an entertaining choreographed number with a series of lifts, all very tongue in cheek, but beautiful and sweet. After the first dance everyone was invited onto the dance floor which is where my plan (or need) to take the kids home ended. They danced the night away. They danced with each other, with the bride and groom, with friends and grandparents and even I got a look in. Adam however, didn't get any love from the kids. They had an absolute blast, and just quietly I think they may have stolen the show with their moves.

Stella sitting next to me rather than walking down the aisle

Xavier got to the end of the aisle, saw Adam and his face lit up

The reception room

Loft space in the reception room

The first dance

Xavier, Stella, Aunty Sarah and Uncle David

Look at how much he loves dancing

Shaking her groove thing

Dancing with grandma

The level of cute of the kids on the dance floor quite honestly made up for all the carry on of the past few weeks.

About half an hour before we were due to go home, Stella passed out on the couch. It was an easy drive home, to find a fox standing in the middle of our street *shock* we carried children inside, got them as undressed and redressed as we could before hitting the sack for the night.

It was such an honour to be able to be here to witness this wedding. I have always been a big fan of David and to finally meet the woman who has stolen the heart of our Aussie boy it all now makes sense. Teresa is gorgeous, inside and out. She is warm and friendly, funny and outrageous. She has welcomed us into her life with love and excitement and has embraced Xavier and Stella as if she had been there from the start of their time earthside. Xavier and Stella have showered her with the same excited affection, even Xavier, the quiet, reserved boy who sits back and assesses situations before jumping in, just couldn't hold back with his new Aunty Teresa. I cant wait to hear news of them having children of their own, but I really cant wait to hear news that they are going to be calling Australia home, even if just for a short while.

Just before we left we remembered to get a photo of us together

Sunday 18th December

2011-12-21T09:40:00.000+11:00

Adam's parents must have taken pity on us after the lunchtime antics of the kids on Friday, because yesterday Sarah called Adam to ask if she and Grandma could take the kids for the day, they were thinking perhaps to a movie. Naturally we jumped at the offer.

Xavier and Stella were collected about 10:30am and headed off on the bus with Grandma and Aunty Sarah with plans of a McDonalds lunch and movie visit confirmed. Adam and I headed to the train Station into London to spend some time admiring all the artifacts at the British Museum. The Brits like the tell you that they are taking care of all of these precious items for the good of the entire world, however, its really just a collection of stuff that England as stolen from other countries.

Like all museums in the UK its free entry, because we didn't have the kids and therefore the pram, we had to check our coats and bags into the cloakroom. Its so cold out, that you need to really rug up, however, there is nothing at all wrong with the heating in most buildings in London. You walk in the door of anywhere and almost pass out with the overwhelming heat. Shopping is a constant state of dress, undress, dress, undress, its nuts. Also because shopping centers as we know them aren't really the norm here, strip shopping on a high street is much more the norm.

I was starving so we headed off to find something to eat, we thought seeing as we were kid free we would skip the sandwiches at the cafe and head up to the restaurant for something a bit fancier. However, on getting up to the restaurant we almost passed out, not at the heat but at the prices. We decided that perhaps sandwiches weren't so bad after all and we might get something nice for afternoon tea on the way home instead as our little indulgence.

This is the inner area of the museum. It used to be a courtyard but they filled it in to make more exhibition space. Its breathtaking. The Restaurant is at the top of this central round section.

We figured that seeing as the Rosetta stone is the pride of the museum we would head there first. The stone is a pretty significant item. Its a massive slab of stone with the same passage carved into it in Hieroglyphics, Ancient Greek and something else (yep totally a history buff am I) which was the standard language of the general people. Finding this stone meant that researchers were able to, for the first time, really able to decipher the hieroglyphics they had found as ancient Greek was commonly understood. So a pretty huge find. It was found in Egypt, so technically belonged to the Egyptians, however, somehow the French had it, and when England conquered the French, they took possession of the stone. Now you might think that the English might hand this significant item back to the Egyptians, but nope, they are 'taking care of it' for the good of the world.

Rosetta Stone

We spent a bit of time in the Egyptian section of the museum and boy are they taking care of a fair bit for the Egyptians. We saw statues, sarcophagus's, mummies (OK so these were freaking cool) and a range of pots, stones, blah blah blah stuff. But the mummies were pretty awesome. Seeing the mummies made me realise how small people used to be, we really must just be getting taller and taller each generation. I also really liked the x-ray pics that went with the mummies showing what was inside.

And a piece of Pyramid, ya know, just looking after it.

One thing that I was pretty excited to see was a real 'bog' body. I studied bog body poetry in high school and have since been fascinated with the bodies that were so perfectly preserved in the peat bogs. So much so that I once wrote an entire Rock Eisteddfod around my fascination with these amazing memories of the earth (it was awesome too). I would love to someday go to Ireland and see more of these bodies.

Seriously amazing.

The museum is so huge that there is no way you could see it all, even it you arrived at opening and were kicked out at closing. We finished up with the Parthenon area. Just one more item that the Brits are taking care of for the good of all. I kid you not, they have to have at least 50% of the carvings from the Parthenon there. Apparently the Greek government have asked several times for it back but the Brits are refusing the give it back claiming that its an important part of the museums collection in helping people to understand the time line of civilisation. right. They also like to emphasise that while they have it, it is able to be viewed by anyone for no charge. They also had a tonne of statues from the Parthenon, all but 1 without heads. Apparently the heads are being 'taken care of' by someone else who decided they needed taking care of first.

See, walls of the carvings

The 1 statue with a head

By this point my interest in old stuff was wearing very thin. I was BORED! So we headed back to the station with the plan of getting a small snack along the way. We walked back through a small park, where I was naturally overjoyed to see a squirrel. Then ended up with some hot chocolates for the train ride home.

Of course the kids were perfect for Grandma and Aunty Sarah and had a wonderful day. Although when we got home Xavier was missing. He had been borrowed by Uncle David to go and jump on their new bedding. HUH???? Yep my 4 year old was being encouraged to jump on a bed. Why, I hear you ask? Its Chinese tradition for the bride and groom to receive new bedding as a wedding gift, traditionally the brides mother/sisters/aunts would make it (I'm not sure who made this one) but before the wedding they have young children (usually nieces and nephews) come and jump on the bed for good luck and the hope that they will soon be blessed with children of their own. Teresa's nieces had participated in a good bed jumping, but to encourage some sons also, David came to borrow Xavier for him to have a jump on the new bedding too (he didn't want Stella and her girl germs). Fingers crossed it works for them and we hear the pitter patter of tiny feet soon. Also fingers crossed that Xavier doesn't think that jumping on new bedding is OK at home.

We spent the night getting all ready for the big day tomorrow. The day we have travelled half way around the world for, the wedding day of David and Teresa. All the time hoping and praying that Xavier and Stella would perform their duties beautifully.

Saturday 17th December

2011-12-20T23:49:00.000+11:00

After the appalling behaviour of yesterday, the plan for today was to divide and conquer. At home the kids spend time away from each other with things like kinder, grandma days, dancing class, but for the past 2 and bit weeks they have been living on top of each other 24/7. It would be enough to drive me bonkers (who am I kidding, it IS driving me bonkers). Not only are they not getting any time apart, they are also sharing a room, so they don't even get their own space at the end of the day.

Adam was keen to go to the Imperial War Museum, I was not. So that's where he and Xavier headed off to. The bride to be had seen the kids owl hats and requested one of her own, which was perfect, as I was getting rather restless with idle hands for so long (At the last minute I decided to not bring any wool or crochet hooks with me), so Stella and I headed off to a place called Hobby Craft. Think a combination of Riot Art and a small Spotlight, very small spotlight. To get there we had to get a bus to the station, then a train to Wimbledon, then a 'tram' (whatev's) to Croydon where the nearest Hobby Craft was. Well technically it wasn't the closest, but using public transport it was the easiest to get to, still took just over an hour though. Stella was an absolute dream child the entire trip. She sat in the pram, played with her iPad and made the odd amusing comment every now and then.

I stocked up on wool and bought me a crochet hook and yarn needle, we also picked up some felt doll kits (must learn blanket stitch) and some new pencils for Xavier and Stella. The stop before we got off to Hobby Craft, was where we could have gotten off to go to Ikea. Clearly I have no reason to go to Ikea in a foreign country, but I had decided that if we couldn't find somewhere nearby for a tasty lunch I would use that as an excuse to stop at Ikea and indulge in some meatballs. Thankfully/Sadly there was a TKMaxx next door (they sell discount name brand stuff and have a cafe) so we grabbed some lunch there, used their loos and had a look around before making out way back towards home.

Adam messaged several times during the day to tell me that Xavier was also being perfectly behaved and that they were done at the War Museum and were going to check out the Science Museum.

There were plans for social drinks at the local pub with the nearly weds from 4:30pm, and Adam and I agreed that it was probably easiest for us to just meet up there. Stella and I arrived back in Kingston around 3pm, so I decided to stop at the supermarket to pick up a clothes order I had placed online (weird hey) and to grab some apples and bananas at the request of a small girl. We could either arrive at the pub really early or grab a coffee in Kingston. We chose the latter. We had hot chocolates with marshmallows, until it was time to get the train to the station near the pub.

Stella, for some reason, had decided that she didn't like uncle David anymore, and spent the evening shooting him filthy looks, but she chatted happily to others there. Adam had lost track of time and got the pub at least an hour and a half after we did. On seeing each other, Xavier and Stella only had eyes for each other. There were cuddle and kisses, and racing around. Chatting, and giggles and Stella sharing her juice. It was exactly what they needed, time apart. We grabbed some dinner, before heading home for the night.

Friday 16th December

2011-12-17T09:11:00.000+11:00

Had a bit of a crappy night with the kids. Xavier fell out of bed, Stella woke at least 3 times before she climbed in next to me and fell asleep with me pinned under her while she was somehow also dangling off the edge of the bed. Not long after (or maybe it was, who can tell in the dark) Adam kicked Xavier half way across the bedroom thinking it was the weight of the doona he could feel on his feet and not his own child. A double bed is barely big enough for 2, its definitely not big enough for 4.

Adam got up with the kids about 8 and I went back to sleep. I just wasn't ready to face the world. We had to be out for lunch at 1pm so could afford a slow start to the day. I suggested that seeing as the kids would be dressed nicely for lunch that perhaps we could swing past Santa and see if we could convince the kids to get a pic with the big man.

The kids got dressed with little to no fuss, even Stella was rather compliant about what Adam had picked for her to wear for the day. They walked well to the bus, they sat well on the bus. Things were looking good. They were happy to go to see Santa, but refused point blank to sit with him for a photo. I will be trying again, I have a photo every year so far, and I will be disappointed if I miss one. I did manage to get one of Adam and Santa, so perhaps that will become the tree decoration for 2011.

We got on another bus to get us to lunch. Luckily I decided to ask someone on the bus if they knew where we might need to get off, as we had been told the stop AFTER the bus station, when in fact it was the stop BEFORE the station. Phew.

What happened after that I'm not sure I even want to commit to writing. The kids were appalling. Xavier was overwhelmed with all the people there but was better once we allowed him to sit on the floor in the corner and play with the iPad, but Stella was in fine form. She screamed, she threw food, she threw herself around, she was embarrassing. She had to be taken outside at least twice by Adam and Grandma. I watched the colour drain from the brides face as she clearly could think of nothing other than what the hell would she do if they did THIS at the wedding. All the while, her nieces, who are of similar age, sat quietly and behaved perfectly, unintentionally making my 2 seem even worse.

Walking to the bus Adam said to me that he has never been that embarrassed by our children before. Sadly, I couldn't agree, I have been at least that embarrassed several times, and more embarrassed on a number of occasions. Stella got on the bus and raced to the top level (I stayed down the bottom as knees are still aching) then was deposited back to me by Adam when she began carrying on that she wanted me. She sat quietly on my knee with her head resting back, and I was almost able to recall the sweet sprite that I generally adore. Almost. I was still fuming about not only her behaviour today, but her behaviour since we arrived here. I know she is only 2, but the 2 year old in me wants to stamp my feet and shout out loud in her face to STOP RUINING MY HOLIDAY.

Apart from the horrible carry on, we experienced our first real yum-cha today. The bride ordered for the table, in Chinese, so we had no clue what was coming. Being a fussy eater I was a little nervous, but it was fabulous. Yeah I probably ate the boring stuff, but it was tasty. Adam even tried a chicken foot, he didn't finish it, and confirmed that he will never try one again.

At home the kids ate a banana and a tub of yoghurt for dinner then were put in bed. Which of course created a whole new world of drama.

We are over half way through our trip, there is still so much that we want to see, particularly Adam who is loving all the history around him. But the thought of taking our kids out in public again makes me want to kill myself. So tomorrow, we are going to attempt to separate them. Adam is going to do some stuff in London with Xavier that I don't want to see, and Stella and I will find something to do somewhere. I have no idea what yet. There is a big Westfield nearby, maybe we will head there, in the warm and try to have some mumma girlie bonding time.

Oh and apparently there was a very very small amount of snow this morning. We didn't see, but it was cold enough today to believe it. We will definitely be on the lookout for it tomorrow.

Thursday 15th December

2011-12-17T08:39:00.000+11:00

Once again my knees were aching and Adam was desperate to do the lonely planet walking tour of London, so I told him to go. We all got the bus into Kingston and the kids and I headed to the play center (again, no really, this time they gave me a loyalty card) while Adam jumped on the train into London.

The kids played, I read. We snacked, we drank. The phone rang. Grandma & Grandad were lunching nearby and were hoping to be able to come and visit us that afternoon. Sure. No problem. Except the house looks like a bomb had gone off in it. The kids were getting ratty and were tired, so I messaged Adam to tell him we were heading home, I would do a quick tidy and that his parents were coming over.

When we got home the kids flopped in the beanbags with their iPads and zoned out. I put things away as best I could while wanting to just curl up and nap myself. Grandma & Grandad came over, I made them tea, they entertained the kids for a bit. Adam got home not long before they were about to leave. They were going to the airport in the morning to meet my sister in law Sarah, and I did suggest that they might like to take a child for the night and to the airport in the morning. I had no doubt that Sarah would have loved to see one or both of the kids there to meet her, however, they must have been able to smell my desperation and declined.

I attempted to cook honey mustard chicken for dinner (out of a jar that in Australia is delicious) and it was disgusting. Couldn't even eat it, it was so bad. So instead Adam had cereal and I had garlic bread for dinner. Wonderful.

Wednesday 14th December

2011-12-15T10:37:00.000+11:00

The day started with plans of heading to London and trying to fit in both Westminster Abbey and the London Eye. We attempted to head out early so that we weren't coming home in the dark (which happens at 4pm), but still didn't manage to leave until almost 10am. It all comes down to negotiating with a small girl about what she might like to wear for the day (and not freeze to death in the process) and trying to convince a small boy that shoes are indeed necessary and that a jumper before going out isn't an unreasonable request.

We got a bus into Kingston again. We can walk to a train station in under 10 minutes, however, my knees are really really painful (so much so that if I were at home there would be an appointment made with my hot physio and maybe even my Dr) so if I can avoid stairs and additional walking I'm going to take that option at the moment.

The train trip was fairly uneventful. Its was a lucky day that others on the train seemed to find Stella's antics of swinging around every pole she sees on a train amusing rather than annoying (the difference between a peak hour train and not). Thankfully Westminster station is disabled friendly, which means that we can use lifts to get around rather than having to convince kids to get our of the pram and Adam carry it up and down a million stairs. It was windy in the city and bitterly cold because of it. While waiting to cross the road we happened to run into Grandma and Grandad unexpectedly.

Westminster Abbey is nothing short of stunning (no pics as you aren't allowed to take photos inside). There are some big names buried in that place as well as some big names who walked the aisle there on their wedding day. Westminster while huge and beautiful, doesn't seem to be trying as hard to show off as I felt St Paul's did. Despite the fact that its just accepted, I'm not sure I'm ever going to get used to walking over the resting places of people as you walk around inside these places, there's just something that doesn't sit right with me in doing this, but in order to get around you just cant help it.

The other thing that I find really interesting is that we have visited 4 churches now. Bath Abbey, Holy Trinity, St Paul's and Westminster. Bath and Holy Trinity are free or very close to to get into, you pay a few pounds to get into Bath Abbey and its free to go into Holy Trinity, but they do ask for a small entry fee to see Shakespeare's grave, however, both of these places not only allow for you to take photos, they actively encourage it. The remind you to take pics, they point out places to get the best pics and I have no doubt that if you asked they would very happily take a pic for you should you ask. On the other hand, St Paul's and Westminster are very expensive to get into (around 17 pound or $24 AU) granted you get an audio commentary, but you aren't allowed to take pics at all. I just find it interesting and a little odd.

On our wander to the London Eye we walked past a Boots store. For those who don't know, Boots is kind of a have it all store. Its kind of a pharmacy with a really extensive perfume/make up section, as well as a small range of kids clothes and toys. They also have a food and a fabulous meal deal. For less than 4 pound you can get a sandwich or salad, drink and a snack. Bargain. Best bit is, its tasty too. So we grabbed lunch and kept walking. We were unsure if we were able to eat on the Eye so sat outside to eat, slowly freezing in the process.

The London Eye from the Bridge

The London Eye was expensive, over 50 pounds ($75 AU) but totally worth it. The views are amazing and seeing Big Ben from this angle just confirmed that Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament are my favourite buildings in London. Despite being wonderful, the London Eye isn't something you would do again its just too expensive.


Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament from the top of the Eye

From further down the Eye with the sun on her way down

Xavier with the 4 year old 'cheese' smile

Stella, not surprisingly, was not in the mood for photos

From the top of the Eye, Stella spotted a carousel at the Christmas markets that were along the bank of the river. My children have a new found obsession with carousels. We agreed that they could have a ride once we got down to the bottom, which made their 3rd carousel ride in the last week alone.

Silly faces at mummy

I'm sure I have mentioned it before but I love all the little Christmas markets that are around. I love the smells, the atmosphere, the hats that seems so original until you see them at the next market in the next town. lol.

A view down the market area towards Big Ben

Leftover spag bol and more garlic bread for dinner. Firming up wedding preparation plans. Yum Cha planned for Friday lunch, drinks at the local pub on Saturday evening and the plans for the big day on Monday fleshed out. Its getting close and exciting now.

Tuesday 13th December

2011-12-15T09:48:00.000+11:00

Today was a cruisy one. The kids were tired, we were tired and there was Christmas shopping that needed to be finished. Plus I needed some time alone so had devised a rather clever plan to get some time out.

Adam slept a bit later than the rest of us. I only let him get away with this as he was up at 2:30am writing his best man speech that he had apparently been dreaming of giving so had to get up and write down what he was saying. I had also had a good 8 hours sleep and the kids were up and downstairs and needed some form of supervision.

Adam emerged from the bedroom about 10am with his usual greeting of "what are we going to do today?" my response "I was thinking that you could take the kids to that playcenter and let the run while I went and finished our Christmas shopping" his reply "sounds good".

We bused it into Kingston and I walked Adam and the kids to the playcenter then headed out for a wander around the town to finish shopping as well as try to find something to wear to the tea ceremony we are attending the morning of the wedding. Teresa is Chinese, which means there is a lot of ceremony attached to a wedding. They have said that we don't need to attend these things, but are very welcome, and I'm more than a little interested to see how it all works. The bad news is that its a semi formal event, no probs, I bought a spare nice dress with me, but we cant wear black to the ceremony. Oh dear, I only wear black. So I had the additional task of trying to find something to wear that would be appropriate. I found nothing in the shops but ended up finding something that I hope will be OK online later in the day. Now to keep my fingers crossed that it fits. (for those who care its a red knit dress)

I was very restrained with the other shopping I did. I grabbed Xavier a small gift for his stocking to even up the numbers as well as picking him up a T-Rex tee and a purple hoodie from Next. I decided to just give him the clothes right away, as he is 4, opening clothes on Christmas morning is crap. I grabbed some Peppa Pig Christmas wrapping paper and a Peppa Pig birthday card that I hope makes it home for Stella's birthday.

I wandered down a new area of shops that we hadn't wandered before, but didn't find anything of amazing interest, before walking back to the playcenter to collect my family. We jumped on the bus home, stopped at the supermarket to restock on food and headed home.

Despite being so tired they could hardly talk, the kids insisted on farting about for almost 2 hours at bedtime. Finally falling asleep in separate rooms with a parent in bed with each of them. Tonight I had the pleasure of Mr Xavier, who I might add hasn't asked for me as his bedtime pal for I cant recall how long. He chatted, trying his best to draw me into discussions to avoid sleeping, but I stayed strong. When the Xavier death rolls began, I knew it wasn't long until he finally surrendered to sleep for the night. The Xavier death roll is a name Adam and I devised for what Xavier does in the minutes before he goes to sleep. He literally rolls over and over in the one spot (bit like a crocodile rolls trying to kill its catch) until he stops and you know he is out. Its something he has always done for as long as we can recall, but seeing as he hasn't asked for me for such a long time, its something I had forgotten that he does. (Im sure its somehow linked the the massive twitch Adam does just before he goes to sleep too). Funny the things you notice about people you sleep with, hey?

Once the small people were finally sleeping, Adam and I cooked our first real meal since we have been here. We have been eating a bit of take away as well as far too many of the 2 pound pizza from the supermarket (have I mentnioned just how awesome these pizzas are, they rock). We did a spag bol (the supermarket here sells beef/pork mince mixed already, which is the secret to a great spag bol) and chucked a garlic bread in the oven.

After dinner I began researching where we might stay for NYE, which is also our last night here. We have to vacate our lovely little cottage on the 27th December which is when we head to Paris, but we have 1 night back in London before we fly home. We will get our 300 pound deposit for the cottage back in cash when we leave, and agreed that we would splash out and use that money to stay somewhere nice on our last night. Naturally there isn't a lot available on NYE with it being so close, also its hard to find something that can accommodate the children also. We found somewhere, and are just waiting to hear from the nearly weds (who will by that point be newly weds) and my SIL as to what the plans are for NYE other than spending it together. My hope is that we pay quite a bit more for the 1 bedroom suite at a hotel, have dinner at the hotel or nearby, then spend the evening in our suite chatting, watching the TV countdown and having a few quiet drinks. That way when the kids pass out, we can easily move them to the bedroom and close the door to let them sleep and only have to move them from the king bed to the sofa bed once everyone has gone, rather than having to move them from someone's house out into the cold to get them to the hotel.

Monday 12th December

2011-12-13T10:20:00.000+11:00

Adam decided today that a trip to the Natural History Museum was in order. We had heard the dinosaurs there were pretty impressive and seeing as both Xavier and Stella love dinosaurs it seemed like a good option. The best bit is that all the galleries and museums here are free entry, so if Stella threw one of her epic tantrums it was no great loss to leave and try again another day should we have time.

A toilet stop before we left found our neighbourhood squirrel back eating coconut, so at the request of JenJen I called Adam to bring the camera, which he did and I snapped the following pics of our cute little friend.

See he has cleaned out one half of the coconut shell, today he was onto the other half.

At the museum we handed Xave our point and shoot camera and he had a ball skipping around checking out all the dinosaurs.

Nice shot up the Dinosaurs bum

His beloved Triceratops

Mr T-Rex

Stella had her predicted meltdowns. Although I'm sure the lack of sleep last night played a big part in her temperament today.

In the middle of the Restaurant

My step dad had given the kids $50 each before we left that we were instructed was to be spent on something the kids wanted that we wouldn't usually buy them. It had to be their choice and we had to be able to show him exactly what they had bought with their money. We thought that there was no doubt both kids could easily spend their money at the gift shop in the museum, so headed off there after lunch. We explained to Xavier that Pa had given him some money to buy something special for himself and that he had about 30 pounds to spend on anything he wanted. He looked, he picked things up, and put them down. He said several time, hey mum look this is cool, then he made his selection. Out of an entire store, with clothes, stuffed toys, books, cups, hats, etc guess what my son decided that he wanted? A 2 pound bouncy ball with a stegosaurus inside it. I kid you not. A bloody 2 pound ball. Granted its not something I probably would have let him have, no doubt it will be lost before we even get back to Australia and the next small boy to stay in our house will have a ball playing with it when he finds it, but Pa was very firm that it was ANYTHING they wanted. So we bought the ball. I also talked him into a small stuffed triceratops toy too that was 3 pound.

Despite all the screaming she did today, and needing to lay with her to get her to sleep, just to physically hold her still long enough to stop and sleep, I'd have more. The screaming I can do without, but jeepers, its been so long since I have lay next to here when she sleeps that I had forgotten just how beautiful she is when she stops. I'm also really missing breastfeeding at the moment too. I'm sure that if she was still on the boobies, so much of the crazies we are experiencing now could be avoided.

Sunday 11th December

2011-12-13T08:41:00.000+11:00

Knowing the my in-laws were going to be coming over at some point today, I figured that I had better tidy up a little. Adam tends to go insane cleaning when his mum is coming over, I'm a bit more relaxed, but the place really did look like a bomb had hit. Which in all honesty is bound to happen in such a small space with 2 small kids and all the associated crap that goes with them.

I sorted recycling. Here the recycling is collected weekly, but the general rubbish is only collected fortnightly. There is also an option of having a food scrap bin as well as a cardboard bag. Interesting. I couldn't help but wonder what kind of problems would be presented if you had a baby in disposable nappies. The rubbish bins that are collected fortnightly aren't as big as our in Australia, so would fill with nappies pretty quickly, however, without a dryer, using cloth nappies to save on rubbish would be near impossible. But I digress.

I also put the lego that Teresa's mum had very kindly lent to us into a big bowl so the kids could play with it easier than in the plastic bag it was in. I also folded all the kids clothes, AGAIN, they seem to have developed a nightly game of laying all their clothes flat on the floor of their room in order to have a picnic there. *sigh*

It was lucky that I did the mad dash around, as just as I was walking back into the sitting room to relax I saw them walking up the path. They had tried to text but for some reason it wouldn't work.

The kids were so excited to see Grandma and Grandad. They kissed and cuddles. Grandad and Xavier coloured in and played lego. Stella was, for the first time since we arrived here, rather pleasant.

By the time Grandma and Grandad left it was too late to go anywhere so we hang around at home and waited for Daddy to get back from Ireland. Daddy was home slightly later than expected, however, he did bring several surprises with him. A leprechaun (that daddy has named Finnigan and Seamus) each for the kids and Uncle David and Aunty Teresa. I do believe that a new rule is going to be implemented in this house. If Aunty Teresa is coming to visit so close to bedtime and is going to razz up the children, she will be asked to take them with her and get them to sleep at a reasonable hour. It was after 10 before they had calmed down enough to actually sleep.

Saturday 10th December

2011-12-11T07:00:00.000+11:00

I survived the night with Adam away and the biggest dilemma of the day was whether or not to take the pram with me to the playcenter today.

I decided that the thought of getting the pram on and off the bus was worse than the thought of either of the kids bolting, which I should add, neither are prone to doing. Its just these unfamiliar surrounds that are making me be a bit more of a nervy, helicopter parent that I would like to be. I did take the Mai Tai as security, knowing that I could easily throw Stella in there if she was being a pest (which ya know, she is prone to doing on this holiday).

We walked easily to the bus stop and the kids waited patiently, however, I assumed that standing at the bus stop was indication enough that you actually wanted to get on the bus. Umm seems not. A bus drove right past us, doh! (clearly I don't do public transport often) luckily another came within about 2 minutes. Phew!

The bus trip into Kingston is short, maybe 4 stops. We jumped off and started walking in what I thought was the right direction. It wasn't. but in typical me style, I found a friendly looking old lady sitting on a bench having a ciggie and asked here if she was able to help me out (of course had I been a man I would have wandered around for hours never being able to bring myself to ask for help). She pointed me in the right direction (the complete opposite of the way we were going) and off we went. We arrived at the playcenter around 11:30am and settled in for what ended up being 5 hours there.

We ate. We drank. We played. Well the kids played, I read. It was wonderful. Although English milkshakes are weird. It was room temperature and thick, strange. I thought it was just me, until Stella had some of hers and immediately said, "mummy I didn't want a warm milk, I wanted a cold milkshake."

At one point she emerged from the play area crying, upon asking what happened I was told "mumma that little boy hit me in the balls" Bahahahaha what the??? some further questioning established that a little boy had hit her in the ball pit area and not in the balls.

I also noticed that the playcenter was opposite a big bus station, so after we were done we wandered over in the hope that we could catch a bus from there. Indeed we could and just as we worked that out, one pulled in. Bonus.Another easy trip home on the bus then a short walk.

The kids were so tired that they didn't even have the energy to fight before bed. They both walked in the door and flopped on the beanbags with their iPads, ate dinner and then headed off to bed. Although as I sit here now, they have been in bed for over an hour and they are still farting about.

My in laws arrived today from Australia, and the kids are very much looking forward to seeing Grandma and Grandad tomorrow. They are also looking forward to daddy coming home.

Friday 9th December

2011-12-10T04:12:00.000+11:00

Almost had complete panic stations this morning, got up only to find the Internet wasn't working!!!! Thankfully some trusty turning off and back on along with some cable jiggling seemed to fix whatever the problem was.

Adam decided that we should only do a quick trip out today as he had to get organised to head off to Dublin for Dave's stag weekend. So we jumped on a train into London with the plan of checking out St Paul's Cathedral. The crap bit is, its not just 1 train, we had to change twice and navigate our way through the underground with a pram and 2 kids who really didn't want to walk. Unfortunately when Adam had to carry the pram up and down umpteen staircases, they really needed to just harden up and walk. We seriously need to investigate the buses better, there has to be an easier way than all this train swapping.

Anywho, St Paul's is HUGE! Like really, look at moi, huge. The artwork on the ceiling is amazing though. Adam and Stella chose to walk the 500+ stairs to get to the top while Xavier and I sat down in the main area of they church and listened to the audio commentary and waved to Adam and Stella once they got to the top. Apparently Stella walked the first 100 or so steps by herself, then got daddy to carry her the rest of the way. Xave and I did get caught in the middle of the midday Eucharist which was weird.

I attended catholic school until year 8, so am familiar with the receiving of holy communion. For many years now when I have been at church for weddings, funerals, etc I have chosen not to receive communion as I no longer consider myself catholic and feel that to receive communion just to appease family around me would be the wrong thing to do. Today was no different. I sat and listened respectfully (while silently being able to recite word for word what the priest was saying, 9 years of weekly church really does imprint on ones brain), I tried my best to keep Xavier's questioning to a minimum, but despite no longer associating myself with religion, I was still troubled by the number of tourists who were still wandering around during what I know to be a really sacred part of a mass. Although, I guess it wasn't an entire mass either, they do holy communion a few times a day, so perhaps the whole communion things is really just for the tourists too.

Unfortunately there are no photos of St Paul's as you are unable to take pictures inside. But it is an impressive building. Almost too impressive. I kept thinking of how much it must cost to build and maintain such a huge cathedral and then start to wonder, who exactly it is that the church is trying to impress. Its a fine line between building a space to honor your God and just throwing money around because you can. But wasn't that always an issue with religions?

There were more train changes to get back home and a quick supermarket dash to ensure we have enough food over the weekend as Adam is taking the cash card with him. Bought some cordial (or squash as its called here) as despite the water being safe to drink it tastes friggen awful. I plan to spend another evening reading and watching bad TV. I may also have a soak in the bath and my knees are so sore and I don't know why.

Thursday 8th December

2011-12-10T03:45:00.000+11:00

To celebrate being here an entire week, we stayed at home and did absolutely nothing.

The thought of taking the kids out too far was too much to comprehend and I had blogs to catch up on, both reading and writing. I did suggest after lunch that perhaps we could take the kids the local pool for a swim (indoor of course) but Adam wasn't really keen on that idea. So we stayed home, ate toast and vegged out.

I did spend an extended period of time sitting on the toilet. Mainly because there was the most adorable squirrel sitting on a bird feeding on the neighbours yard eating coconut from the shells that had been hung there. Seriously, I'm starting to believe I have a squirrel issue. They may actually be cuter than meerkats. Or I could just have 2 favourties, yeah?

Adam got himself organised to head to see Bryan Adams with his brother and I got a very complex dinner of baked beans for the kids with the plan or ordering myself some Indian from the place at the end of our street.

The kids were tired and annoying. They were eating slow, poking each other and just generally carrying on. I was on the final countdown to get them into bed and wishing we had taken them swimming to wear them out a bit more.

Finally they slept and I ordered my dinner. Butter chicken is not what I am used to. It was yellow and well, buttery. There was no spice to it at all and not even a hint of tomato. It was nice enough, but not something I will order here again.

Adam called from the concert during our first dance song, its the first Bryan Adams concert he has been to without me since we got together, so it was sweet that he thought of me.

I spent the evening laying on the couch, reading, watching TV and drinking Rekorderlig ciders.

Wednesday 7th December

2011-12-09T00:10:00.000+11:00

We awoke to another hearty English breakfast at the hostel before heading into Stratford to visit both the birthplace and resting place of one William Shakespeare. Being an English teacher, this was a big deal for me, I ached for my kids to be just that little bit older to understand why these visits were so significant, but alas, they are just babes themselves.

We headed to the Holy Trinity church first, Shakespeare's resting place, mainly because the kids were up early and it opened first. The church is stunning, the path to the small door, has graveyards either side, and the border of the path is actually made up from fallen headstones. Adam, always the surveyor, noted that that columns in the church were on a lean, while I was taken with the beauty of the pipe organ high above the seated area.

Check out that pipe organ

I'm not sure what I expected of the grave site, but its a stone carving in the floor right at the back of the church. Shakespeare's wife, daughter and son in law and another member of his family are all buried there. We too photos, we marveled at the beauty of the church, and I silently thanked the bard for plays, the sonnets and most of all the controversy of his life that I so enjoy using to lure teenage minds into the world of Shakespeare.

I purchased some books, postcards and a small bust of the bard to add to my teaching resource kit. Then we headed off to see where he was born and lived.

Xavier passing time just reading the bible.

The house has been heavily restored, but is beautiful to look at from the street. By this point the kids were going a bit insane, so we quickly made our way through the house and got them in the car to begin the trek home.

The front of the house

Back of the house

We did manage a pit stop to the giant teddy bear in Stratford I had heard so much about to have photos too.

Adam was desperate to see a castle, and we both agreed that while Warrick Castle would be nice enough (although insanely expensive) we both agreed that a ruined castle would be so much more interesting than one that is is full working order. So we set the GPS for Kennilworth Castle a mere 20minute drive from Stratford. When we arrived we discovered that the Castle is closed during the week during the winter despite the guidebooks all telling us it was open 7 days a week. We decided that we would head to Warrick Castle instead and just have a look, not paying the 20pound each to get in to see it, except when we got there, it was 6 pound just to get into the carpark, blow that!

Kenilworth Castle from the carpark

We turned to the trusty GPS to find us something else to go and visit on our way back to London, and noticed that Cadbury world came up. Chocolate, hell yeah, lets go there! So we did. Yes it was expensive to get in, and even the free samples didn't really make up for the entry fee, although the free samples did have me and the kids saying that we had had enough chocolate for one day. But seriously, that place is amazing, and not even the chocolate making stuff.

Cadbury world is set in a town called Bourneville, which was built with the sole purpose of housing the employees of the Cadbury factory. Seriously, as the company grew they needed to move to bigger and bigger premises, so they bought a huge plot of land adjoining the Bourne brook and built the factory. They then built an entire community for the employees to live in, they built homes, schools, a swimming pool, sports fields, they implemented a 5.5 day working week, overtime wages, retirement plans and all kids of other stuff. I was blown away by the whole idea of it all. Amazing.

After our chocolate overload we set the GPS for our home in Kingston. After Stella's frequent tantrums all over the lovely Cotswolds, there was no way I was doing 3 hours on trains to get home again. I begged Adam to drop us at home and take the car back and train home himself, because just quietly I thought he was doing fabulously driving in the towns. He agreed, that was until we got close to London and he say signs for eco something and was convinced it was congestion charges which we had no clue how they worked, so he decided that seeing as Stella had slept a little in the car, we would brave taking the car straight back to the drop off and training it home. *sigh* I was not a happy camper. I suggested that perhaps we could splurge and get a taxi home, I really didn't have it in me to do 3 hours on the train with her.

From the time that Adam decided to return the car to the time we actually returned the car was almost 1.5 hours. With trying to find a petrol station, the GPS giving us no warning of turns, and just general traffic. I think had Adam been able to pick up the car and throw it, he would have. He was far from calm, he was pissed. The kids were whining, I was shitty about the thought of the coming hours, it was all just not going well.

Upon returning the car, the lovely man advised us (after I moaned about hours on the train) that there was a bus from terminal 3 that would have us in the center of Kingston in 25 minutes. WTF? why had we done 3 train changes and almost 3 hours to get to the airport when we could have done it so much easier on a bus? Because people had made out that the trains here were so easy and awesome, and the buses were really confusing and hard work, that's why. Bullocks to that I say. So we bused it to the town center, ate maccas for dinner, then got another bus that literally stops at the end of our street. Hooray, we were finally back home.

Tuesday 6th December

2011-12-08T23:08:00.000+11:00

We woke after a solid 12 hours sleep, oh yeah, got dressed and headed down to the dining room for breakfast, which was HUGE! Full hot English breakfast for 5 pound.

Adam wanted to climb to the top of the church in the center of Bath, which didn't appeal to me so much, so we agreed to separate, he would climb a million stairs and I would wander the streets and try to find something to take for lunch on our next leg.

I would have been happy to take a child each, but both kids were adamant that they wanted to go with daddy and climb the stairs. So off the 3 of them went together and I had an amazing hour completely alone on a town where I knew no one. It was wonderful.

Apparently when they got to the church there was a funeral happening so they couldn't climb, so instead they went for a walk down to check out the river for a while then came back after the funeral to look around inside the church.

Bath is beautiful, however, I wouldn't want to live there, its just a bit too beige.

I on the other hand, discovered a quilting store where I was very restrained and only bought some union jack ribbon for any future scrapbooking I may do of our trip. Although I was very tempted by the panels of hungry caterpillar fabric available. I also found a wool shop, where I again was restrained and only bought 1 ball of a magenta pink wool to make a hat for Stella from.

I then wandered to the market area and bought myself a hot chocolate, I asked for it to have marsh mellows, not realising that also meant it would be piled high with cream, marsh mellows and chocolate sauce. nomnomnom. I'd spent too long in the fabric and wool shops so didn't get a chance to grab lunch, but we had seen a deal the night before with a sandwich, snack and drink for less than 3pound 29p.

We met back at the front of the church at the agreed time, went to grab supplies for lunch, both kids had total meltdowns, then got in the car ready to head to our next destination. Adam had picked up a brochure outlining the tour route of The Cotswolds and we decided to follow that on our way to Stratford. Luckily we realised before we left town that Adam had put my handbag in the cupboard in our room back at hostel to keep it safe, because we had forgotten to actually get it our from there.

We really would have been completely lost without the GPS, there is nothing like being able to put 'town center' into the GPS and just sit back and follow instructions. We saw some beautiful little villages, stopped to use the toilet and visit a toy shop in one, checked out a local graveyard trying to find the oldest headstone, we ooohed and aahhhhed about how beautiful everything was and plotted how we could manage to actually live in such a village for 6 months at some point before we die.

Who wouldn't want to live here?

I will never get used to the fact that by 3pm its starting to get dark and by 4:30pm its pretty much nighttime, we arrived in Stratford around 4pm and headed once again to the youth hostel. It was raining in Stratford, so decided to stay in for the night, being fed a huge feast for dinner, sat up and read for a bit before calling it a night.

Monday 5th December

2011-12-08T22:11:00.000+11:00

So our adventure to the English country side began bright and early this morning (around 8:30am). Adam meticulously packed (after all you want to take as little as possible when you have to carry it all on trains to go and collect your hire car) and we loaded the pram full of our bags and children and set off. I had suggested to Adam that perhaps he could go and collect the car then come and collect us and the kids, as let's be honest, Stella, is being less than pleasant so far this trip but he was nervous about driving through inner London suburbs, which I guess is understandable. Because we had elected to save about 30 pound and get a manual, he had to do all the driving as I have zero clue when it comes to a manual, had we got an auto however, I totes would have had a crack at driving through the city.

So a walk to the local train station was the start to our day, where we learned from our mistakes of previous train travel that there are special carriages for those with 'buggies' and boarded a very crowded morning train with our pram and 2 small children asking an insane amount of questions. Xavier wanted to know where everyone on the train was going, and in all honestly I would have thought that at least 1 person would talk to a small child and let him know they were going to work, visit a friend, whatevs, but no, many looked and smiled, but not one person spoke to him. We swapped trains at Wimbeldon buying the kids some chips from the vending machine in the hope that they may stay a bit quiet for the trip to our next train swap. We then got off at Earl's Court to swap to the train to Heathrow where we were collecting our car (the lonely planet guide suggested getting hire cars from here to avoid driving through the city).

At Earl's court the lift was not working, so we had to get the kids out of the pram and Adam had to carry it down the stairs to the lower platform where we needed to be. The woman working at the station was busy telling off another traveller who had left 2 suitcases at the bottom of the steps to go back to the top to collect the rest of his bags and his wife, all the while with a small baby strapped to his chest. After she has finished abusing him, she then turned on us for carrying the pram down the stairs, I pointed out that seeing the lift was broken we didn't have another option and she told me to watch my mouth and that we shouldn't have even got off at that station, there was another station we could get the airport train to. Yep because we totally psychically knew that the lift was broken at the station that is advertised as one that is disabled compatible. All in all she was nothing short of a bitch and she is lucky I didn't tell her so.

The train to Heathrow was long and boring, Stella was completely over it all by this point and was carrying on like nothing else, Xavier was feeding off her energy and I was silently cursing Adam for being too scared to drive through the city and inflicting trains with our horrid children on me. Once at the airport we found our way to the rental car courtesy bus and finally we were able to get to the car at 11:10am (yep, almost 3 hours after we left our house). We somehow got upgraded to a Ford Focus station wagon, which Adam told me at least a dozen times over the coming days that he loved, the kids car seats were organised (car seat rules are pretty relaxed here compared to in Australia, I was not really comfortable that Xavier who sits in a 5 point booster at home, just had a booster cushion and adult seat belt here), the GPS was set to Stonehenge and off we went.

Stella was asleep before we even got out of the airport, and all I have to say on that matter is Thank God!

We had heard that Stonehenge literally just pops up at you as you are driving down the road, and its true, it does. All of a sudden you come over a hill and BAM, there it is. Despite the fact that you can just stand at the fence on the side of the road and look at it, we opted to not be total tight arses and paid to go in and look at it closer. It was so very very very cold there, I think its quite possibly the coldest I have even been. We had to wake Stella when we got there, so she was in fine form once again.

Stonehenge in all its glory.
I have wanted to be at this very place since I did an assignment in grade 6 on Stonehenge.

Knowing the history of Stonehenge I really did expect to feel some kind of spiritual experience while I was there. But it's hard to feel anything when you have a 2 year old screaming at you, you cant feel your face from the cold, there are people everywhere and 2 busy roads run either side of this historical monument. The stones are not as big as you would imagine, don't get me wrong, they are big, but not mammoth like I had built up in my mind. Apparently there has been much campaigning for them to build a bypass under Stonehenge to reduce the traffic that goes past, perhaps that would make it feel more like the kind of sacred place its supposed to be.

Yep, it's cold alright.

Considering it afterwards I would totally love to be hanging there with my village, drums holding a beat and beautiful people twirling fire all over. The best bit is its dark by 4:30pm here, so we could twirl for hours and hours.

You's almost think she was happy here.

We piled back into the car, cranked the heater and set the GPS to take us to the town of Bath where we had accommodation booked for the night. We drove through some of the most beautiful little villages, the English country side is just amazing. So green and vast and old. You would spend time driving through areas of green paddocks, then suddenly around a bend there would be a dozen of so stone houses then back to open space again. Its just gorgeous. Sadly the roads are so narrow, its really hard to stop to take photos safely of just how beautiful the area is.

We got to Bath, checked in to the local youth hostel (yep they cater for families too) then headed into town to have a look around and try to find something for dinner. Because its December all the small towns have Christmas markets going on, so we wandered the stone streets, bought warm chocolates for the kids, let them ride the carousel, marvelled at the Christmas lights decorating the streets, and found something new every corner we turned. We also popped into the Disney store and I sneakily purchased something for Stella for Christmas, seeing as she is very into Tinkerbell at the moment. I also convinced the kids to come into the Clarks store with me as they both needed new shoes and managed to pick up 2 pairs each for a total of 90 pound (about $150 Australian, bargain).

We headed back to the hostel with plans to explore the town more before we headed off in the morning, and I do believe that I crashed before the kids.

Sunday 4th December

2011-12-05T08:47:00.000+11:00

Today was a quiet one. The kids woke at 5am and when asked what they wanted to do, Xavier said he wanted to stay at our London house and run around in the backyard. Fair call. Not an appealing option for Adam, he decided to head into the city to check out some boat that's there and that I had been pretty clear I had zero interest in seeing. The amusing bit (for me at least) is that he didn't end up seeing the boat as the walkway to get out onto it had collapsed. He did instead wander around the streets of London and saw some other cool stuff.

Despite the kids thinking it was a good idea to stay home, the reality was somewhat different. Because we had breakfast so early, but 9am I was starving again so made us all some toast with jam for morning tea. The fighting continued so I pulled the trusty 'just add water' card and put both kids in the bath for some time out. I made the mistake of heading downstairs for a second, believing they were safe in the bath only to return upstairs and discover the brand new bottle of shower gel sitting in the middle of the hallway EMPTY!

Yep, the kids had used an entire bottle of shower gel within about 3 minutes. They had cleaned not only themselves but also the walls and glass. There was so much soap that I couldn't even get them out of the shower as they were, so decided that draining the bath and hosing them down with the hand held shower was the best option. Except that is that to get the shower to turn on I had to pull the very stiff bit on the tap *sigh* I pulled and I pulled and got nowhere, so instead decided to run them a fresh bath to rinse off a bit. Naturally, I'm stubborn and decided that I would keep trying the pulley bit, as the owner had said that despite being stiff it was a bit easier if you had the water running. Well, in the middle of running the fresh bath I managed to get the shower working, while I had most of me under it trying to pull the bloody bit up. Then just as the icing on the cake, as I reached up to grab the nozzle, it slipped and sprayed in my face and drenched the front of me. If only the video camera was running I would have been a contender for Funniest Home Video's no doubt.

Adam got home not long after and we got ready to walk into Kingston again to organise pants and a shirt for Xavier to wear to the wedding. Just as we were about to leave, it started raining. We waited it out for a bit then decided that it has stopped enough and we would brave it. While we survived the rain, we almost didn't survive the shocking behaviour of 2 tired children. It was enough to make us investigate the bus route into town that goes from the end of our street.

The evening wasn't much better with tired children, but once they were finally asleep we hit the Internet and booked a hire car and accommodation for the next few days. We are off the Stonehenge and staying the night in Bath, then heading the the birthplace of Shakespeare in Stratford-Upon-Avon for another night before heading back here for Adam to attend Bryan Adams concert on Thursday night.

I'm also hoping to be able to book flights and accommodation for Italy for next week, but still not 100% on that one.

So all in all a fairly standard day for this mumma.

Saturday 3rd December

2011-12-04T18:42:00.000+11:00

After a good nights sleep for all, including Xavier sleeping for 15 hours, we decided to brave London trains and head into the city to visit the Queen. Our departure time was delayed due to Xavier's mammoth sleep but eventually we managed to get ourselves organised and out the door for the walk to the train.

We got off at Waterloo Station and headed to the only exit that was pram friendly and began walking. We knew we needed to get over the river so figured that the bridge we could see was a good start. However, somehow we ended up walking over bridge after bridge wondering how the hell we were supposed to get back down to the ground. This dilemma was solved when we ended up walking into another bloody train station. Again we took the only pram friendly option and despite wanting to end up at Buckingham Palace, we ended up in Trafalgar Square and decided to sit on the steps and eat lunch. For some reason I thought there was only 1 lion statue there, but alas, there are 4 of the big buggers as well as 2 fountains. The sun was out and while it was cool, it was a good spot to stop for lunch.

Despite it all, I'm finding it really difficult to actually enjoy the experience. Its just so much busier here than I imagined and I have a constant state of internal panic that one of the kids is going to go missing. If only they would just stay in the pram it would make my life easier.

After consulting the map once again, we headed off towards what we were sure was Buckingham Palace. Being the start of winter here there are autumn leaves all around so the kids had an absolute ball running through the leaves and throwing them all around. (the walk to the palace was less busy so I was able to be calm about them running riot there). We stopped off at Clarence House (where the Queen mum used to live) and saw the guards there, we arrived at changeover time and while everyone else was standing watching quietly, Xavier and Stella wanted to know the ins and outs of a ducks bum about what, why, how, why, where, why everything was happening.

We kept walking down to the open parkland near the palace and Xavier announced he was collecting some leaves for the Queen. *cute*, coaxing the children away from the leaves was hard work, but finally we were standing in front of Buckingham Palace, sadly her madge wasn't home. Granted the palace is imposing, but its not impressive. Its rather bland looking, there are so many other buildings we saw just yesterday that are much prettier to look at than the palace.

running through the royal leaves

Collecting leaves for the Queen

Buckingham Palace

Me and the kids at the palace gates

We decided to walk a different way home past St James park and were surprised and rather excited to see squirrels EVERYWHERE! The locals think they are pests (bit like rabbits in Australia) but for me, the squirrels were the highlight of my day. The most amusing bit is that they have no fear of humans. They will come and take food from your hands and at one point one had climbed onto a mans arm and was sitting there eating from his hand. It was crazy cute. Stella was loving them and wanted to catch one to hold, but despite them not being scared of people, they are rather alarmed by a small girl chasing them squealing.

So hard to get pics of the little buggers but they are so cute and their tails are so fluffy and fine

As we got further along Big Ben came into site. Now THAT is an impressive building. Its stunning. I mean really really stunning. Stella was asking where Tinkerbell was (the Tinkerbell movie she likes has Big Ben in it) and Adam was trying to coax Xavier into getting into a red phone box. I bought some postcards and stamps (so those who have requested post cards, keep your eyes out) and we headed into the underground to get a train out to meet Dave and Teresa for a suit fitting before heading back to their place to decorate their first Christmas Tree. It's going to take me a while to get used to the fact that is dark about 4:30pm, it makes it feel so much later than it really is. It also means that wandering around makes me feel a bit uneasy once its dark.


Big Ben and a red double decker bus (bad lighting as it was 4pm and almost dark)

Teresa was overjoyed to have Xavier and Stella awake to play with and the Christmas tree construction and decoration was a success.

Some celebratory drumming at the conclusion of tree decoration

We got traditional fish and chips for dinner (despite England being the home of fish and chips, I think Aussie ones are better) and the kids fell asleep in the car on the way home.

Friday 2nd December

2011-12-03T20:57:00.000+11:00

The small people who reside with us decided that 5am was a pretty good time to start the day, and seeing as we has all had a good 12-14 hours sleep, we got up and ate breakfast and waited for the sun to rise.

The day before Adam had gone for a wander and discovered that there was a pretty big shopping area within walking distance of us, so the days plan was to head off to check out some shops. Somewhat prompted by the fact that I had forgotten to pack a scarf and the new undies I bought (and clearly didn't try on before departure) were so freaking uncomfortable it wasn't even remotely amusing.

We needed to wait for the owner of our house to come and collect the rent, which he did around 10am. Lovely guy, very friendly and he also confirmed that the shopping area we had seen was one of the best in London. Apparently people come from all over to shop in Kingston, and its where he and his family were heading to spend up the rent money we had just paid.

On stepping outside, I decided that it wasn't cold enough to wear my coat, the sun was shining, and I was cursing not packing sunglasses after all. The air was cool, but it certainly wasn't freezing. A long sleeve thermal under a t-shirt was warmth enough for most of the day.

We ended up spending about 6 hours in town looking in shops and general wandering. Being Christmas there are lots of little market areas spread around the town, we checked out an indoor craft market, where I may return to buy a gorgeous scarf I saw but was distracted by Xavier tipping the entire pram on himself. There is also a food market in the center area that smells amazing as you walk past, late in the day while Adam and Stella were off looking at some old building, Xavier and I shared a sneaky hot chocolate from one of the stalls.

On the walk home I also discovered a fabric store that I will be investigating further another day.

Some may be aware that Adam is quite the Mcdonalds addict. Yes, I like the stuff, but if I were choosing between the evils of fast food, it wouldn't be my first choice. But we decided on Maccas for lunch, after all, we had to sample the flavour difference in England. For the record when we were on honeymoon in Bali, it tasted completely different, the chicken burgers in Bali are awesome, the chicken burgers in England are NOT! Big Mac's taste the same, but McChicken is not cool at all. Xavier was rather impressed that he could have a fish finger happy meal though.

We grabbed a ten quid phone and 2 sim cards on our walk back, so have phones to use here now, nothing fancy, but we are contactable. Then I committed the ultimate sin while in the supermarket getting shaving gel, I queued wrong! Can you believe it? Apparently the English are very fond of queuing, and I did it wrong. Long story, but the guy who told me off was a dick and I was a narky bitch back to him.

I put up all of the Christmas decorations that I had made to make our home away from home feel a bit more Christmassy. I still need to sew/glue decorations onto the tree, but the stockings and bunting look awesome.

Our felt tree that needs decoration

Bunting and Stockings

Dave and Teresa headed over for a visit after work hoping to find a niece and nephew ready for fun, however, try as they might the kids crashed about half an hour before they arrived. They were both sleeping in the bean bags and despite Teresa's bests attempts as poking, tickling and talking loudly, they both slept through it all.

All tuckered out

Adam and I headed to bed around 10:30pm and we all slept well.

Oh and not long after dinner, we remembered it was 14 years since our first date. Wow, who woulda thought we would be here now, overseas, married, 2 kids, and still loving each other like crazy.

Thursday 1st December

2011-12-03T04:35:00.001+11:00

Hong Kong to London was also fairly stress free. We had to wake Stella to get her off the plane but once inside we were put through priority line for security screening. Hong Kong airport is big, open and bright. Kids ran around and found some other kids to play with. It was 10:30pm Hong Kong time, but for Xavier and Stella it was almost 1am.

Back on the plane we were soooo tired, but stayed awake for dinner. Can I add that airplane food has improved muchly since I traveled last. It was actually really tasty. We all slept for a few hours and the kids really were fantastic for all but the last 4 hours or so. Which while it was a long time for them to be annoying, considering we were in the air for 9 hours then 14 hours (not including the 1.5 hour drive to the airport and the time waiting and on the plane from Melbourne to Sydney), it really wasn't that bad. I still had my watch on au time and realised that for the kids body clocks it was lunchtime and they hadn't eaten since the night before, they would have been starving. Stella in particular gets rather challenging when she is hungry.

They served breakfast, which Stella promptly threw up all over herself. Nothing quite as lovely as vomit on a plane. She fell asleep again while we were descending and landing and once again had to be woken to get off the plane. On arrival at Heathrow, we were met with water, apples and chocolate. Xavier went for the chocolate while Stella opted for an apple. Long queues for passport clearance, but it did mean that our bags were well and truly ready for us by the time we got through. On unpacking at our house we noticed that one of our cases had the wheels busted off (have contacted airline, and will see what they offer, my feeling is not a lot seeing as we didn't report it at the airport). Then we headed off through the 'nothing to declare' doors expecting to have customs officers at least have a quick look in our cases...ummmm nope... nothing... no one... nada.... zippo... I kid you not, we quite seriously just walked right on through to the waiting faces of family.

My first impression of Heathrow airport, its like a hospital. Long white corridors everywhere and eerily quiet.

David and Teresa greeted us and in their 2 small cars we managed to fit all our stuff and all of us. Was so great to finally meet the woman who has stolen the heart of my favourite brother-in-law. Ok, so I only have the 1 brother-in-law, but Dave really is awesome. Stella and I went with Dave in his car, mainly because he had the smaller car seat and Stella was particularly tired and precious and just wanted her mumma close by.

We found our way to our new home and marvelled at the fact we had been in darkness for about 16 hours straight. Our plane landed around 4:30am UK time and we got to our house around 6am.


Ours is the half without the bay window.

Our cottage is just beautiful. built in 1868 its small but just lovely. The view from the toilet is amazing, lol, and the kids are having a ball on the stairs.

This the view you get sitting on the toilet

Dave and Teresa both had to leave us to head to work, so we hung around the house waiting until 9am and the shops would open. We unpacked and gave the kids a bath to try and wake them up a bit. We toyed with the idea of getting them to have a nap, but once the reality of that kicked in, they both decided that wasn't such a great idea afterall.

building plaque

We tried to work out the heating situation as while it wasn't freezing, it wasn't warm in the house either. We gave up and headed to the nearest supermarket to grab some food. OMG food is sooo cheap here. Seriously, it was 59p for a kg of bananas. That's about $1 Australian. So Stella was happy. We also grabbed an awesome cherry tomato and pesto pizza for dinner for 2 pound, it was an awesome pizza too. The best bit is, Rekoderlig ciders are 3 for 5 pound, about $8 Australian, oh yeah, mumma gonna come home with a drinking problem.

We decided that just trying to stay awake was the best option. We hoped we could hold everyone out til 6pm and sleep until 6am. It didn't quite go according to plan. Stella crashed in a bean bag around 2:30pm and Xave was asleep on the couch not long after. Adam and I ate dinner at 4pm then went to bed. Kids woke around midnight and weren't really keen to go back to sleep. Adam put Stella in with me and he went and got into her bed, which worked for Xavier, but after an hour or so of talking my ears off with all kinds of insane stuff, she declared she wanted to get back in her dinosaur bed. (they have dinosaur doona covers on their beds) so everyone went back to sleep until about 5am when the kids came in with us for a while we got up and ate breakfast.

Wednesday 30th November

2011-12-03T04:02:00.000+11:00

Ok, so I'm already slightly behind on the promise of daily bogs while were are away, but trust me, the way my brain was operating yesterday, you so didn't want to even read the dribble that may have come out.

Was a busy day, but not really doing much if that makes sense. Drive the the airport was long and boring, there was rain in Melbourne, which meant everyone had suddenly forgotten how to drive. Who knows why, its not like it doesn't rain in Melbourne all the freaking time.

Checking in was really stress free, bags were checked right through to London, meaning that we didn't need to collect bags in Sydney and re-check in. YAH! We then headed to trusty Maccas for a crappy breakfast. I was starving. Kids were happy with pink milk and hotcakes to share. Flight from Melbourne to Sydney was delayed due to the plane being hit by lightning on the flight down, but the engineers assured us that it was all fine to take us on the first leg of our journey.

The seating arrangement on the Melbourne-Sydney flight was not ideal. We had 3 and 1, and I was surprised that Adam offered to sit with the kids while I sat alone. ahhhhh. I'll be honest and say that I was expecting Xavier to be a bit of a nightmare on our travels, but he was perfect. Stella. however, was a freaking nightmare on this first leg. She wriggled, she complained, she cried. Panic began to set it. I'm sure it didn't help that it was a really rough flight with the Melbourne weather, meaning that both Adam and I felt awful during the entire flight as well as for some hours afterwards. I wasn't sure if my head wanted to explode or if I wanted to spew. So I can only imagine how she was feeling if we were feeling so bad from it all.

There was a courtesy bus from the domestic terminal to international in Sydney which was handy and check-in was easy. Although we had booked 4 seats together, we were placed in 2 and 2 in subsequent rows. Initially we were not impressed with this arrangement, however, in hindsight, we think it actually worked better. It meant the kids were separated from each other which limited fighting ability. Once checked in we headed to trusty maccas once again, we were planning on eating something else, but the seduction of their playground was too strong, plus the kids needed to run.

Sydney to Hong Kong was pretty stress free. Adam took some anti nausea tablets as he felt really bad and i bought some rescue remedy lollies for me and the kids that seemed to help. Or perhaps they were a placebo, either way the flight went well. Both kids napped on the plane and I sat back and watched some movies I had been wanting to see for ages. The Inbetweeners and Bad Teacher for those who care.

Sadly no pics of today's adventures, the whole she-bang was so overwhelming that it didn't occur to us.

Xavier is 4!

2011-10-10T21:54:00.000+11:00

Today Xavier turned 4 and is in complete and utter denial about the fact. He has been lamenting for the past week that he doesn't WANT to be 4, he likes 3 just fine and thinks that he will just stay 3 for a bit longer. Oh the logic of a 3, almost 4, year old.

Some random facts about Xavier to note;

After spending his early 3's changing his favourite colour as often as his underpants, he has finally settled on PURPLE.
His sister Stella is his best friend in the whole world.
When he grows up he is going to have 3 girl babies and 2 boys babies (all at once too it seems). His babies will cut their way out of his stomach with their scissors, because he doesn't have a gyna for them to come out of, and they will do this when they are ready (because mummy, 'its not for us to know when the babies are ready, only the babies know that')
His favourite dinosaurs is the stegosaurus and second is the triceraptops.
He loves fish fingers, mac and cheese, strawberries, bananas and pink milk.
He was so excited that the girl he loves at kinder came to his birthday party. So much so that he made her a card that very night to say thankyou for coming.
Xavier started dancing lessons this year and never before have I seen him so much in his element. He adores not only his teacher but just dancing. I see in his face, when he thinks no one is looking just how much joy it brings him to dance.

On Saturday, we threw a dinosaur party for our big boy. Despite the shy smiles, and reservation he displays, he had a fantastic time celebrating with his friends. For his actual birthday today we headed to Scienceworks to check out the dinosaurs, he loved it!

I was pretty open in blogging his 3rd birthday that Xavier as a 2 year old wasn't easy. In fact, it was pretty hellish. I was approaching 3 with caution and hope, and let me tell you it has paid off. The 3 year old Xavier was a reward for surviving the previous year of 2 year old Xavier.

So for you, my darling son, this last year I have watched you grow and learn with my heart bursting with pride. You are gentle and loving, sharp and hilarious, sharing and warm. I see more and more of your Daddy in you each and every day, and you know what, I love him too. You are slow to warm to new settings and people, but once comfortable you engage, love, entertain. 1 year ago, I hoped that we would be rockin it and we totally are. You, Mr Xavier, rock this woman's world. I cant wait to see what the next year brings us.

Haidee's Virtual Baby Shower...

2011-05-19T08:00:00.003+10:00

...please excuse this interuption to regular viewing.. oh who am I kidding, I have been a lazy sod and haven't blogged in AGES... I apologise... but today's blog is for a very special cyber friend of mine...

Being a member of an online forum as well as being a paid employee gives me insights into a wide range of experiences. There are some members who for one reason or another just stick in your mind, you watch their progress with interest, you rejoice when they announce their BFP (big fat positive, on a pregnancy test for those not down with the lingo), your heart aches as they experience the grief of miscarriage, and you feel ill when they announce another failed IVF attempt. Haidee is one of 'my' girls, and one of the last to get the elusive BFP from the good ol days (sadly there are still some waiting for that day). But today is about Haidee. Haidee is a lovely, kind, generous, wonderful woman I met online. Despite traveling her own road on infertility, she has always had time to comfort others, offer advice and have just the right words at the right time. As a moderator, she has always been a pleasure to work with, I have copied many a Haidee start up thread to post all over the community. You can read her story here

Anywho, today's post is in honor of Haidee's Baby Shower, after 3 long years, she is finally expecting her own bundle of joy. A baby boy is going to grace their home on the coming weeks, and I am so pleased for her that i really could just burst. Due to the fact that Haidee lives all the way over in Kiwi land, we her forum friends are hosting her a very special Virtual Baby Shower, where we post the gifts we would like to give to Haidee if we were attending her shower in person. Everyone elses gifts can be found here if you would like to see what others have 'given' to her...so here goes...

Oh and because its a VIRTUAL baby shower.. I plan on going totally over the top...

A membership to the La Leche League NZ You know how passionate I am about breastfeeding, its beautiful and natural, but dont be fooled into thinking that means that its always easy. Its a learned skill, you need to learn and he will need to learn. Surround yourself with support and knowledge to help you get through the early days. I know that your body has let you down before, time and time again, it would be natural for you to feel nervous about your body letting you down in terms of breastfeeding. Why should you trust it to work, it hasn't before, right? But Haidee, your body is amazing. Sure, it needed some help to conceive your baby boy, but its 100% you who has carried him this far, its you who has kept him safe and warm and fed, its you who has nurtured him and will continue to nurture him as he leaves the safety of your body and joins you in the outside world. Please, TRUST your body in these coming weeks. Trust your body to bring your son earthside safely, trust your breasts to nourish him as he grows, and trust that in the times of doubt you know everything you need already, you have within you the ability to give your son exactly what he needs, all you need is to believe that you do.

A beautiful baby carrier (or 3, ok so I have 5) from babes in arms there is nothing quite like the feeling of wearing you baby close. If i had my time again, I would have a stretchy wrap (hugabub) for a newborn before moving onto my much loved Ergo.

A gr8x stretchy swaddle wrap. I kid you not, these are the BEST wraps ever. I adored them with both my kids, and they are my standard real life baby shower gift.

A birth notice tee from Quinn Macool this is one of the BEST boys clothing shops I have found. There stuff is awesome and service is second to none. Again my kids have one of these each that are now framed with their plaster hands and feet in our lounge. These are my standard new baby present.

And finally a special whole day spa voucher for us both. To somewhere really fancy, where we could lounge around and be pampered all day long.

Today we joined the league of 1 percenters...

2011-02-12T23:43:00.000+11:00

That's right... statistics show that 1% of 2 years olds receive some breastmilk... and Stella is now one of those 2 year olds. Sad statistics really, knowing that 83% ish of women initiate breastfeeding after birth... that number declines rapidly...a failure not of the mothers, but of the society we live in that bombards them with doubt, and advertisements for formula and health care professionals who just don't know how to support them... but we found the answers to our questions and a community to support us and we stuck at it and reached an awesome milestone...

To read the full story of breastfeeding Stella, check it out here it wasn't an easy thing to do, but was so totally worth it...

But here we are, 2 years exactly after her birth and tonight she possibly had her last ever breastfeed, booby or booboo as she calls it... this is not my choice, it is hers. And while I'm overjoyed that this was her choice (as I know in my heart it should be), I'm not going to deny that a little tiny piece of my heart is broken because of it.

The last few weeks I have been seeing that she has been losing interest, feeds had become less frequent and shorter, this was her way of letting me down gently... but I did encourage her a little so that we could be one of the cool 1% crew...

I know I look so big to you,
Maybe I seem too big for the needs I have.
But no matter how big we get,
We still have needs that are important to us.
I know that our relationship is growing and changing,
But I still need you. I need your warmth and closeness,
Especially at the end of the day
When we snuggle up in bed.
Please don't get too busy for us to breastfeed.
I know you think I can be patient,
Or find something to take the place of a breastfeed;
A book, a glass of something,
But nothing can take your place when I need you.
Sometimes just cuddling with you,
Having you near me is enough.
I guess I am growing and becoming independent,
But please be there.
This bond we have is so strong and so important to me,
Please don't break it abruptly.
Wean me gently,

Because I am your mother,

And my heart is tender.

Oh and how my beautiful, gentle little mite, has weaned her mumma gently...

Tomorrow, we begin the process of 'never offer, never refuse'. This means that I will no longer offer Stella my breast, as a form of nutrition or comfort, but if she asks me for booboo I will not refuse her. This could happen, daily, every few day or never again.

There has been many a quiet tear shed in the last few weeks... in quiet moments, just me and my girl.. in our special booboo chair. The place that I have sat and not only fed, but held, rocked, soothed, and cried with my baby when I could not ease her pain, for 2 years now. And there are more tears now, as I sit here.. tapping away at the keyboard.

Oh and the irony of finding a stray cloth breast pad on my desk to dab at my eyes with... I take your rain on your wedding day Alanis Morrisette and raise you a breast pad to wipe tears while blogging about the end of breastfeeding... there's some irony for ya...

So I share with you, some of my favourite pictures of Stella's and mine breastfeeding journey...

Stella's First breastfeed... in recovery...

At about 4 months for an ABA photoshoot

Dive bomb boob

gotcha

First Birthday Booby


Frankston Beach... 16 months

The all important Second birthday booby

I also have a hilarious pic of her on the boob wearing sunglasses looking totally rock star cool... but of course I cant find it anywhere...

My hearts bursts with pride at just how far we have come. We worked hard, we fought harder and we did it. But at the same time, my heart aches, I will never again have a small baby at my breast. I will never have the opportunity to' just breastfeed' without baggage, after Stella proving that my boobs do in fact work just fine. I have no doubt that what I am feeling is normal, I would have felt this way had she weaned at 1 or 5. There really is just a little feeling of rejection attached to this moment. I hear mothers of older children (and sometimes younger children) who breastfeed saying things like, 'I just want my body back' or 'I feel so touched out' and I imagine that being at that point, maybe makes weaning easier, maybe it doesn't, maybe being dumped by your booby buddy just hurts no matter what... but I'm happy to share my body, I don't feel touched out, I love breastfeeding.

So be gentle with me friends, and if you like indulge me a little... if you have pics of Stella and I breastfeeding.. I would love for you to share them with me... the more memories I have of this special time the better....

How did you get to 2 my girl?

2011-02-12T22:03:00.000+11:00

Today, the baby girl, has turned 2. I know all parents say it, but it really does feel like yesterday she arrived and changed our lives forever. She is just such a beautiful bright spark of a girl and I feel so blessed that she is all mine...

She awoke to presents...

Then the party dress was put on....

And then the food and party began....

By dinner time she was exhausted, partied out and a little bit over emotional...

So a message for my darling girl on this her second birthday. You are AMAZING! I adore you! I love your cheeky smile, your warm hugs and your hilarious sense of self. You make me want to drink up every last moment and jump in the deep end and experience new things... I was concerned about the kind of independant, diva, 2 year old you were going to be...but with that heart leading you, how could you go wrong.

I cant wait for the next year, to watch you grow, learn and experience...

I love you my baby girl... thankyou for being the wonderful little sprite that you are...

Looking back on 2010...

2010-12-16T14:23:00.000+11:00

Just thought I would share the high lights and low lights of 2010 and what I'm are looking forward to in 2011... I would love to hear yours too in comments or with a link to your own blog post...

high lights...

getting through so much of my ABA training, I am 1 unit away from being a qualified breastfeeding counsellor

watching rare moments of the kids playing nicely with each other... and seeing it happen more and more
it was a tough year with Xavier, and I mean really tough, he almost broke me, but as he enters the year of being 3 he is really becoming a much nicer person to be around. He is crazy clever and rather hilarious.. but oh so cheeky...
Stella is really just a joy! she is a diva, whinges most of the time, demands my attention and is the biggest drama queen ever, but she really does make my heart burst. will be interesting to see how she is as a 2 year old..
re-learning how to sew after 20 years away from a machine. I was taught as a young girl by my beloved nan, who died when i was pregnant with Xavier, and i never really had the urge to sew, but having a daughter has changed that, I now love sitting at the machine sewing. I think I was scared to sew again for a long time as I really was worried that it would remind me too much of nan and I would just sit and cry over fabric instead of creating with it, but I LOVE IT. I feel so close to her sewing at her old machine and over locker, my aunts tell me just how proud of me she would be, and DH tells me that he can see me quite literally beaming as I work. I'm so grateful that she taught me to sew.
I have also made some fabulous new friends this year. people who are so different yet so much the same all at once and I love that I have such an amazing variety of women in my life guiding me on the parenting journey.

low lights....

Xavier. boy there were times this past year when I really was ready to just walk away from him. I never imagined that 1 small boy could push buttons so badly.. I taught 28 year 9 boys and loved it, how does 1 boy destroy my spirit so much?
MIL being sick for 6 weeks. She has my kids one day a week each, she loves the one on one time with them, as they do with her, and it also gives me some one on one time with each kid too. Which is awesome, because they really do fight a LOT, physically fight, with blood shed regularly, so to be able to have 1 nice child twice a week is bliss. But she came down with bronchitis for 6 weeks, I had the kids all day every day for 6 weeks and the 3 of us very nearly went mad. sooo glad when she got better.
planning to build a garage on our house, to make it do until I return to work (when Stella starts school) and we can afford a bigger house, only to get the quotes back and being floored by how much they were. Was looking forward to my own little craft area in the garage, but was not to be, so we built a carport instead to keep me and the kids dry getting in and out of the car.. you know Melbourne, 4 seasons in 1 day.

What I'm looking forward to...

Xavier going off to kinder next year. he is so very ready and needs more than I can give him at home. it has meant the world to me that i have been able to stay at home and be his sole carer for over 3 years (besides grandma) but he is ready to move away from me and gain a small amount of independence. I cannot wait to see him shine.
trying to get away with the DH and kids for a short break. I don't work all these extra jobs for no reason.
finishing ABA training and starting to really help women who want to breastfeed. they say being able to breastfeed your child is the worlds greatest joy, helping another women to breastfeed her child is the second greatest joy.
finding some me time and believing that I'm actually worth it and deserve it. This could be the tricky one...

so come of lovely ladies... share with the rest of us too...

Checking in....

2010-12-13T16:03:00.000+11:00

I'm aware I have been rather a bad bad bad blogger of late... but well.. life is busy... so here are 10 6 things that have been keeping me away from blogging...

1. Xavier. Who might I add is proving the skeptics (aka his parentals) wrong. So far as a 3 year old, he has improved outta sight. He still has frequent fights with his sister, but the times of playing together nicely and sharing are increasing, he is also doing his best to try and teach her about taking turns, a concept he has really 'got' recently, Stella however, did not read the same memo so screams with displeasure every time Xavier announces that her turn is finished and its his turn. Then the ultimate cuteness kicks in as he tries to calm her, saying things like, "its OK honey, I'm just going to have a little turn then its your turn again". Hearing him call her honey makes my heart melt... its just the most beautiful thing ever. The tantrums are much fewer and when they happen much less intense. All in all, I am really enjoying my 3 year old son.

2. Stella. How this girl got so divine is just beyond me. Some days I just look at her and almost cry in awe of just how much she takes my breathe away, and then before the first tear drops, she notices me watching and shoots me this look she has that just oozes cheek and I can do nothing but scoop her up laughing and kiss that spot where her jaw meets her neck... bliss. She has had a word explosion, although seems to have a love of the word 'mine" using it frequently as she informs you of everything in the space that is in fact 'hers'. Mine room, mine bunny, mine drink.. yes darling, they are yours. *sigh* For all of her spunk, she really is a placid child at heart. She is fiercely independent, refusing to get into the pram at any point (mine walk mummy) but listens so beautifully when we are out and she is free range... she happily hold hands in carparks, and wanders alongside, keeping close while shopping.

3. Sewing. Yes I have been spending more and more time sewing. To the point where not only do I have my nans sewing machine in my possession, but also her overlocker, which I'm loving. I have been sewing stuff for Stella like a crazy lady, and have started selling some of the other bits and pieces I have been making. Certainly not going to become rich doing it, but I love having a reason to sit and sew.

4. Kinder. WHAT? who? Xavier starts 3 year old kinder next year and we have been spending time doing lots of talking about that. He had his orientation last week and despite refusing to get dressed, get in the car and get out of the car... once he was there he then refused to come home. I really think he is going to love being with other kids his age, and well, despite the new leaf, I'm still going to enjoy that time out from him.

5. Friends. This year has bought so many new and wonderful women into my life and for this I am blessed. Making time to spend with these girls is a must, with some its once a month or less, with others we chat daily, but they are all awesome. Some I would like to spend more time with, but such is life, we fit in what we can.

6. Work. Yes that's right. I have started working 1 day a week out of the house. And I LOVE it. I'm still doing Baby Center and Baby Beehinds, but am now also working at the Breastfeeding Center in Dandenong. Answering phone, processing payments, taking bookings for breast feeding classes. And loving it.

so that's whats been going on around here... I would promise to try and blog more, but, well... who knows, maybe this time I will....

Xavier is 3!!!

2010-10-11T22:04:00.000+11:00

WOW how did that happen? I remember his arrival like it was just yesterday, and now I am a mother to a 3 year old.

Yesterday, 10th October, Mr Xavier had a party to celebrate his big day. There was cake, balloons, a jumping castle and a pinata. He had lots of friends come play and was spoilt rotten with amazing gifts.

So for you my darling boy, despite telling me you are now a big boy, you will always and forever be my baby boy. The past year has been full of challenges and joys as you have developed your own way of doing things, grown to adore and annihilate your sister (often at the same time), and learnt to chuck the tantrum from hell. If I'm being completely honest, I haven't always liked you this past year, but rest assured I have always loved you. I approach the coming year with trepidation (I hear 3 is harder than 2) but look forward to coming out the other side with you.

Maybe 3 year olds are a bit like year 9's, they both start the year completely insane and irrational but given time they come good, until towards the middle of the year you find yourself warming to them and think they completely rock by the end of the year. Let's aim to be rockin it this time next year!

Thank you for making me a mother and teaching me every day just how to get the job right. I'm lucky that I have such a forgiving (and cute) boss. Love you, big boy.

Sew, sew, sew impressed with ME!!!!

2010-09-05T23:12:00.000+10:00

Sewing is something that I was taught to do as a child by my nan (who you can read a bit more about here) but something I haven't done for a good 20 odd years, that is until yesterday.

I loved sewing as a child, but as a teen and young woman, it lost its appeal to brand names and convenience. Even having a child of my own didn't renew my interest in sewing, knitting yes (boys look awesome in hand knitted beanies), but sewing, no. That was until I had a daughter. All of a sudden craft markets were filled with the most beautiful hand made creations, that cost a BOMB!

I have said many times that I needed to re-learn how to sew. So many times I have picked something beautiful up at a market, looked at the price and thought, pfft, I could do that... all the time wishing my Nan were still here to in fact do it for me. In hindsight, I think part of the reason I had avoided sewing again was due to the feelings I was frightened it would bring up. I adored my nan and I miss her like crazy, each and every day. Its now that I'm a mother, I wish I could pop in to ask for knitting advice, or to ask her to whip something up for the kids, but she is gone, and I cant just pop in to have my needs met. I have so many wonderful memories of watching her create and I was scared that sitting at a machine, attempting to do what she was so skilled at doing, would, well, just make me sad. Never in a million years, did I think that the opposite would happen.

Pinning a pattern, hearing that distinct snip of dressmaking scissors cutting through fabric, reaching for the tape measure, and sitting at the machine gently pressing the pedal to find the 'right' speed, made my heart sing. The knot in my stomach loosened as I sat there, and the joy at it all coming back to me was immense. Sewing really is just like 'riding a bike' you don't forget.

Because I was so young when I learnt to sew (I was first allowed to use the machine at 5) I never really learn much beyond straight stitching, so yesterday, with the help of my friend Sarah, I made these...

...the most beautiful frilly knickers for Stella. Not only am I impressed with how well the colours work, but I'm impressed at just how easy it was and I'm really really impressed with how sewing made me feel.

And with that, I'm hooked. Today I went and put my Christmas present on layby, a brand spanking new sewing machine and I may have bought some fabric while I was there too. I also called my aunty to share my joy and got just a little bit teary when she told me just how proud nan would have been to see me at a machine again. She also happily agreed to lend me her machine to practice while waiting for Santa to bring me mine... and the best bit, her machine, is actually Nan's machine. Sometime this week, I am going to sit at the same machine my nan did and create something for my daughter the same way my Nan created for me.

Our snow adventure...

2010-08-25T20:54:00.000+10:00

On the Queen's Birthday long weekend we decided to head up to Lake Mountain, near the town of Marysville that was ravaged by fires on Black Saturday in February 2009. And on a tangent, can I say that that area is hauntingly beautiful. The fire ravaged trees still stood and building works were going on everywhere, but there was something so heartwarming and beautiful about seeing this little town and its people keeping it going despite the enormous loss they suffered.

Now its fair to say that I am not a fan of the outdoors in general. I am often heard chanting, " I HATE nature". I don't enjoy the sun, or the cold, or dirt or bugs.... and snow.. well I hate the friggen stuff. BUT being a good mumma who knew at least 1 of her children would love it, I obliged, helped pack up the car and off we went. Now I have a very valid reason for my dislike of the snow, the last time I went, I slipped and sprained my ankle quite badly within about 10 minutes of stepping foot on the snow. So this time, I was going to be extra cautious.

Kids all rugged up ready to go...pity about the face on Xave would be a good pic otherwise

Well was I wrong about 1 of the kids enjoying the snow, they both loved it. I honestly thought Stels would feel the cold of it and freak and spend the day clinging to me, but she was in heaven.

I made it out of the car park easily enough and spent a good 20 minutes wandering around near the toboggan run and was still alive. Adam suggested wandering over to another area where there appeared to be some more fresh snow that they could make a snowman with.. okay!?!?!?!

Well I made it over there too and was standing watching the kids loving it when...BANG!!! Down I went like a sack of potatoes. Freaking ankle.

As usual while I'm gasping in pain, begging Adam with my eyes to help me the fuck up, he is more interested in asking what happened. Well clearly darling, I'm on the ground in obvious pain...WTF do you think might have happened? What is it about asking me to talk when I'm in so much pain I can barely breathe?

Eventually Adam helped me up and perched me on a wet rock while he and the kids continued to play. Where I did at least get some great pics of the kids playing.

Some pictures from my wet rock

Experience with my life long shonky ankles tells me that what I should have done in that moment, was take off my shoe, elevate my foot and ice it. But the mumma bear in me, didn't want to ruin my kids day, so I left the shoe on, knowing as soon as it came off the ankle would swell making it impossible to get the shoe back on, sucked up the pain and spent the next 2 hours either limping around in the snow or sitting on cold wet rocks resting and watching Adam and the kids enjoy the snow. Why sitting on wet rocks I hear you ask and not in the warmth of the cafe sipping hot chocolate with marshmallows? Because there are NO FREAKING CHAIRS in the cafe at Lake Mountain.. WTF is that about?

Stella our little speed demon, was in her element on the toboggan, screaming when the run ended and carrying on all the way on the walk back up to the top... Adam claims that I hurt myself just to get out of dragging the kids up the hill time and time again... little does he know, injury or not, I was not going to dragging anyone up a freaking hill in the snow.

It was in the car on the way home that the pain really amped up to unbearable, I tried my best to elevate it, but it was impossible to get it as high as it needed to be, so we ended up stopping in Lilydale for Adam to go and buy me some pain killers.

Just a little bit swollen? Excuse the ugly toe nail polish.

The following day I headed off to the physio to have it strapped properly and checked over and he suggested an x-ray to rule out a fracture. The x-ray showed there wasn't a fracture, BUT it did show that I had a moderate heel spur.. which while not life threatening, it does explain a lot of the foot pain I often have, and means that I will need to reconsider my love of wearing thongs all the time... bugger

Operation 'proper shoes' here I come.

Oh and for those of you who have heard me refer to my 'hot' physio, he was busy when I needed my ankle looked at so I had to settle for a much younger, 'cute' physio instead. Seriously, is it a pre-requisite to the course, you have to be a bit of a looker?

What makes me happy...

2010-08-24T16:16:00.000+10:00

Rah! Did I scare you? I know I have been AWOL for quite some time now, busy doing everything and nothing all at once.. but to get me back into the swing of things, I thought a quick blog about 10 things that make me happy might be the way to go....

Oh and a warning, there may be talk of sex and other girly things here, so consider yourself warned...

1. The way Stella's lips pout when she is telling someone off.... It makes me just want to kiss that adorable face of hers.

2. How soft the nape of Xavier's neck is, and that he still lets me kiss him there... there will come a time when he no longer giggles when I do this, so I'm going to do it while I can get away with it. Oh and his ear lobes, my son has the softest ear lobes, gets it from his daddy... whose ears I'm quite partial too also.

3. Giant Jaffas... need I say more?

4. Bags. Handbags, Nappy bags, shopping bags (the reusable ones not the plastic ones)... and in all honesty the thrill of the chase for the perfect bag is much more satisfying than the buying of said bag...

5. Morning sex. Again need I say more? As much as I HATE mornings, I am not a morning person at all, but a little bit of sleepy loving of a morning, on the rare occasion we are up before the kids.. bliss. One day, they will both sleep over somewhere (or sleep in) and we can have the best of both worlds again, a sleep in and morning sex.

6. When I know advice I have offered regarding breastfeeding, helps the person who asked.

7. Actually, breastfeeding as a whole. I love it, I love that Stella has grown up on mumma's milk, I love that its something only I can do for her, I love that she nods enthusiastically when asked before bed if she wants booby in the booby chair and I love her new trick of coming off the breast just to reach up to kiss me and stroke my face, before returning to her feed. And what I love most of all, is that I have come to realise that this breastfeeding relationship that Stella and I share has healed the wounds of not feeding Xavier for as long as I had hoped; and boy does it feel GREAT to be able to let go of that one.

8. That Adam supports me in my role as a mother. He isn't always perfect, neither am I, but his desire for me to be at home raising our children is matched only by my own desire to be here for them. Yes we go without some things others have, but whats more important is that our children don't go without us. Despite the fact that I often threaten to put them into daycare and go back to work, we both know I never would.

9. The last day of my period. This is the thing I hate most about being a girl. I love boobs, I don't mind the booty, but the periods... ARGH I hate them, so on that last day, when I know its so close to being over is awesome.

10. Where the universe has taken me. I'm not the person I thought I was going to be and I don't give a rats arse either. I'm doing things, seeing things, learning things I never imagined for myself. The universe has a plan for me, things that hurt at the time, happened to bring me closer to where I was supposed to be and while the pain was intense, I appreciate that I can now see it for what it was.

Half way there....

2010-05-31T22:28:00.003+10:00

This past weekend the family and I headed off to the lovely town of Mansfield for the ABA training weekend. For those who don't know, I am training to become an Australian Breastfeeding Association Counsellor. I was stagnating on the course, being self paced makes it really really easy for me to slack off and get lots started and little finished... but the training weekend was GREAT. I completed 3 units (there are 14 all up to complete the certificate) so now have 7 completed all up. That means 4 more single units to go before I can begin the combined 3 counselling units. Hooray!

However, as Stella is still a booby baby, the whole family came along for the weekend. Stella happily goes all day without boobies, if they aren't there, so while I was busy studying, Adam went exploring the area with the kidlets. They had a great time and my kids look oh so amazingly cute all rugged up against the cold.

Xavier exploring

Stels looking super cute in a mumma made beanie

even bunny went for an explore

Adam assures he there was no serious off roading... hmmmm

I have a new love...

2010-05-03T16:10:00.009+10:00

...and here it is...

My Little Squirt!

For those of you who don't know I use Baby BeeHinds Modern Cloth Nappies, mainly because I also sell them, and because they are the best.

I have been a cloth convert for a while now. Started using a different brand when Xave was about 6 months old and slowly over time built my stash. Once Stels came along, both kids were in cloth full time.

Like most people, I was concerned with the poo factor using MCN's but was assured that with either flushable liners or a little squirt it wasn't that bad. So I bought some liners and the squirt (not long after I started using cloth) with grand plans.

The liners got used and I harassed Adam until he connected up the squirt. He tried, bless him, but alas, one of the hoses was too short. Little Squirt caters for this and allows you to send it back and they will change length free of charge. So off I sent it for a longer hose. It arrived back and again Adam attempted to fit it (after a few weeks of nagging) to find that the thread on our toilet was worn and the squirt just wouldn't attach without leaking. GRRRRR!!!!!

Months passed and liners became my best friend. Xave had hideous and numerous poos daily, and being heavily pregnant with Stella, dealing with poo was not great. We returned on and off to disposables but the cloth was always there in some form.

I began to accept that perhaps my squirt was never going to be working, to the point that when I started selling BBH I would tell customers that while I had heard the squirt was good, I had lived for almost 2 years without it.

I randomly mentioned to a friends husband who is a plumber that the thread on my loo was gone and was it fixable, he said it was and offered to come and fix it for me soon. He called a few days later to say he was close and if I was home he would drop in. He not only fixed my loo but connected up the little squirt for me. Hooray! Finally it was working. I waited for madame (Xave was day toilet trained by this point, yep that's how long it had been) to do one of her grossest poos. And you will never guess, the girl who poos at every single nappy change, went 2 only wet nappies before poo arrived the next day...

I was so excited that I was going to get to use my new toy... and you know what... ITS FREAKING AWESOME!!!! I love it, I love the plumber who finally got it working for me. I don't know how I did 2 years of cloth without it...

Now when I'm working I tell people that while they don't need a little squirt, if they can stretch the budget to get one they will never regret it....

Perfume..

2010-05-03T16:10:00.006+10:00

Let's just get this clear from the outset. I'm not a girly girl. I don't even own makeup, let alone wear it. For me, making an effort with my appearance means trying to ensure there is no food from the kids on my top or pants and perhaps if I'm feeling really organised I will slap on some lip gloss. If I'm going all out, I will try and visit the hairdresser and have her wash and blow wave my hair and if its something really really special I go running to my baby sister, who is a makeup artist, and get her to do something with me.

The funny part is that whenever I do go to the full hog effort of baby sis making me up, Adam always just looks at me like he has no clue who this woman is. Poor boy is so used to plain old me that made up me just freaks him out a little.

But I digress... this post is about the one slightly girly thing I do. I wear perfume every single day.

This has not always been the case mind you. Its a fairly recent event. I would wear perfume for special occasions, but that was all. Then I had babies and well, something felt wrong about wearing perfume when a little person was all nuzzled in. I'm not exactly sure when it began, but I know there was a day when I realised I had all these lovely perfumes just sitting around not being used. I was saving them for a 'special occasion'. With 2 kids, this occasion was not going to come before the perfume started smelling funky... so I made a decision, bugger it, I was going to enjoy my perfume and wear it each and every day. So I do!

Its the one thing I do just for me. It makes me feel nice to smell nice, and there is nothing like someone else noticing just how good you smell.

Therefore I felt it was appropriate to dedicate a post to my favourite perfumes...

Lovely by Sarah Jessica Parker is one of my regular 'day' perfumes. I originally bought it after smelling it on my mum. I love how perfume smells different on different people once it mixes with their natural body oils. On my mum, lovely smells like new babies. Like talc powder, and soft downy heads and that deliciousness that is just new baby smell. unfortunately, it doesn't smell quite the same on me. But it smells good enough and I do love it.

This is Intimately Beckham. No I am no a Beckham fan, I received this as a gift, and at first I was a bit, urgh, Beckham. But its a lovely light fragrance, perfect for 'days' and I do alternate it with lovely for my day use. I probably wouldn't have bought it for myself, not because of the smell, but rather because of the name of it. But regardless, I'm glad I received it as a gift as it has grown on me and I rather like it.

This is the Bvlgeri Omnia I received for my birthday. Its very very different to what I would normally wear. My first instinct was to turn my nose up at it, but after the Beckham experience I'm willing to give it a go. Just because its different, doesn't mean that its necessarily bad. I cant see me wearing it as a 'day' fragrance, it feels too heavy, but I will start wearing it soon and see if it grows on me. Stay tuned for an update.

This Dior Hypnotic Poison is my ABSOLUTE favourite. I love most of the poison range, but find the original poison just too heavy for me. But the hypnotic smells amazing, both off and on me. Hooray! Its my 'special going out' perfume. I feel its a bit much for every day with the kids, but for going out I cant help myself. It makes me feel grown up and a little bit sexy. (my day perfumes make me feel pretty) Never have I worn it out and not had a compliment on it. Its that good. Plus Jenni told me when she sniffed me that I had the best smelling boobs she had ever sniffed and that is saying something...lol

And this, this is what I want next. So pay attention any husbands of mine looking for gift ideas. I had a sniff recently when we were pricing my new bottle of hypnotic poison, and this is just lovely. It would make a delicious day perfume to add to my range.

I have come to realise over the years I am rather smell sensitive. Smells are what bring back memories for me and evoke emotions. For example, I cannot stand the smell of Joop on men. My ex wore it and every time I smell it, I have an overwhelming urge to slap the person wearing it. Cool Water reminds me of teenage boys, because that's what all the cool boys wore when I was a teenager. And embarrassingly so, nothing gets me going quite like the smell of dirty car oil/grease hands and brutt33. There is just something so masculine about a man all greasy and brutty.

Adam isn't really that into aftershave, so he doesn't have a smell as such and I haven't invested enough time sniffing around for something for him to wear that really floats my boat. Guess he just has natural man stink that does it for me.

Las Vegas Party...

2010-05-03T15:55:00.003+10:00

I'm a bit late in posting this, but well, better late than never, right?

Late April we were invited to my cousin and his girlfriends 40th birthday party. It has a Vegas theme and we were asked to come in costume. My family were going to be at the party, and Adam's parents were overseas, so our babysitters were either OS or going to the party themselves. Because of this, and his dislike of most social settings, Adam stayed at home with the kids and I went alone.

My own personal criteria for my costume was that I wanted something comfortable and something that would cover as much of me as possible. I certainly had no intentions of frightening others with exposing my body to anyone. So this is what I came up with...

For those who cant tell, I am black jack.

The cards are made from foam so that they would bend if I needed to move arms or sit down, then covered with some white fabric I got from the bargain bin at Spotlight. I then used some super cool iron on transfer stuff to put on the letters and clubs. The rainbow material on the back is just hot glue gunned down with a sequin edge, just to tidy things up a bit. It really is amazing what you can do with some fabric, scissors and a hot glue gun. No Sewing at all.

The birthday boy (my cousin, Shane) was dressed as Elvis and the birthday girl (Jo) was a knocked up bride... fitting seeing as she is due to give birth to their first baby in less than a month. We, well, I was so certain they were planning a surprise wedding, and after talking to others at the party, I wasn't the only one. But we were wrong. Regardless it was a great night.

My cousin Shane and my brother Aden

Jo, the birthday girl... can barely see that bump behind the flowers.

Aden & Emma (also with bump)

Bliss @ Endota..

2010-05-02T12:03:00.002+10:00

On Saturday I cashed in a gift voucher I received for my 30th birthday last year from Laura and Emma, for Endota day spa in Mornington. I used it for a head and toe treatment. I'm not a huge fan of the typical back massage, probably because I am always so stressed and tense that I don't find it relaxing, it just hurts, and I figure if I'm going to be all sore after a massage, I may as well get my hot physio to do it. But I love nothing more that a good foot rub and seeing as Adam hates feet and will never ever touch my feet, even if I beg, I'm happy to pay for someone else to touch them. Also having my hair washed is my favourite part of the hairdresser experience so I figured a full scalp treatment would be good too. Let me say, good is an understatement. It was pure BLISS!!!!

Firstly I was instructed to strip off to my knickers and lay on the table and cover myself. She did say that if I didn't feel comfortable I could leave my bra on but she would be working around my shoulders and my bra could get in the way. I stifled a little giggle at the thought of me, a very public breast feeder being shy about not wearing and bra. I was more uncomfortable at the thought of laying on the table in the paper g-string she gave me to pop on....

Well paper g on and laying on the table with nothing but a towel for coverage, I was a little concerned that I didn't really feel very covered at all and not sure I was going to be able to relax while feeling so exposed. It was lovely to lay down onto a warm wheat bag under my shoulders but it wasn't enough to make me feel at ease.

The therapist came back in, after knocking gently of course, and put another wheat bag over my belly button and suddenly pulled up a divine thick brown blanket that had been under me the whole time and wrapped me up in a cocoon of my very own. Naturally all I could think of was the very hungry caterpillar, wondering if I looked anything like a big caterpillar cocoon. She also put a smaller eye wheat bag over my eyes to help me switch off and relax.

She started on my feet, soaking them first, them washing and exfoliating them. Then she covered them in a mud mask and wrapped them in plastic bags then some warm fluffy socks. She left them this way while she did a full facial, with a mud mask left on while she did the scalp massage. It was so relaxing, but despite this it still took me ages to get my brain to slow down and stop thinking about the kids. After she had finished with my top end, she went back to my feet, washed the mud off and gave each foot and calf a lovely massage.

The hour and a half went way too fast, but it was so lovely to just stop for a moment and breathe. I fear I may have even dozed off during the foot massage, I did hear a small snort come out of me, so guessing I was pretty close.

Definitely something I could do again and would recommend to others too.

A little less woe is me..

2010-05-02T11:43:00.003+10:00

Well the rest of my birthday was lovely. Adam managed to get some lovely cards and even snuck in a CD from the kids, which we have been enjoying bopping around to in the kitchen. Both the kids absolutely love music and dancing and its looking like they have inherited my sense of rhythm and not their fathers *phew* and my perfume that I picked is as lovely as I remember it...

After a quick dash for Adam to get showered and dressed after work the kids put on some going out clothes (lord knows why) and we headed out to The Spice Club (Indian) for a buffet dinner. See why I questioned my thinking putting the kids in nice clothes.... Stella, Baby led solids and butter chicken.. need I say more?

The lovely Jenni was already there waiting, me thinks she was rather excited about leaving her 4 lovely children at home for the night and was eager to get out of the house thus precisely on time. After she sniffed my new perfume, she declared that I have the loveliest smelling boobies she has ever sniffed... woo woo!!! That was the exact response I was looking for..hehe...

The beautiful Laura arrived bearing gifts, YAH! From her I got some lovely perfume, so I'm gonna be smelling good for quite some time. Wonder if the thinking behind that was that I generally stink? Hope not.

Then the ever amazing Jen and Jack arrived with the most amazing gift. A personalised bag with me boobing a little baldish ladybug baby....

You can read all about Jen's crafting of this amazing bag here. I absolutely love my bag, she is almost too beautiful to use. But I know that Jen would be upset if she didn't get used so I will run the risk that she will get a bit dirty and love worn and use her as my very special ABA training bag.

So far there hasn't been a whole night sleep OR a sleep in, but we are getting close, Friday night Stels slept from 10pm-6:30am but Xave woke at 3am wet...grrrr then Saturday night Xave slept through but woke at 7am wet grrr grrrr but Missy was very very unsettled and ended up sleeping in our bed the whole night. So technically she slept through from 10pm-7am but she is a terrible bed hog and woke me a few times overnight.

So its that time of year again....

2010-04-30T17:45:00.003+10:00

another year older that is....

today is my birthday.. and well, so far its been less than a joyous occasion. Yes I have had some lovely birthday wishes on Face book and via text message, a few phone calls.. but well it just seems no one gets as excited about birthdays as I do. Add to that the fact that the offspring did not get the memo that they are supposed to be wonderfully well behaved for mumma on her special day. Oh no... they have been in fine form.. and of course because we are going out for dinner they had short sleeps and woke early....so dinner is going to be just as charming as the rest of the day.

Listen to me bitching and moaning.... must be getting old.

I'm hoping dinner tonight is slightly more festive and that there is one or two nice surprise presents. Not that I don't appreciate the scrapbook trolley I got from mum that I picked, or the perfume that I also picked from Adam and the kids. But well, I do love a surprise, unexpected gift. And I know at my age, I should be all full of, "no I don't need presents, there's nothing I need" blah blah blah bullshit, but the fact of the matter is, I am a present whore. I love giving gifts, I love shopping for gifts, I love finding that thing that is just perfect for someone, and don't get me started on finding the right card and wrapping paper... and well I love receiving gifts that have been given just as much consideration. And please don't ask me what I want for my birthday, I don't know what to tell you... I want you to spend some time thinking, looking, planning something you know I will just love and never indulge in for myself.

Truth be told, what I really would love is a full nights sleep and a wonderful long sleep in.... *hint hint* to the person who could make one of those things happen.... pfft who am I kidding...

ANZAC day...

2010-04-25T21:14:00.003+10:00

Last week my dad called to see if we were going to the ANZAC day march in our local town. I hadn't planned on going, and there was a chance I would be doing a BBH party that day anyway. Dad told me that he thought this could be one of my poppy's last marches and that he thought it would be nice for Xavier to be there and to have 4 generations together. Adam had agreed to take the kids along himself if I ended up working. We all agreed that Xave probably doesn't see enough of my dad to feel comfortable going just with his poppy without mum or dad as backup.

Turn out I didn't end up working, so we all headed out with the rain threatening to the ANZAC march.

For the first year, Poppy was deemed old enough (90) to go in the jeep as opposed to walking, although I'm told it took some convincing to get him to accept this courtesy.

Poppy in the passenger seat

Because of this, the others (being my dad, uncle's, brother and cousin's) decided not to march and to instead watch from the sidelines. Xave was happy enough to sit on his poppy's shoulders and watch the cars, motorbikes and bands walk past.

Xave on his poppy's shoulders with my brother in the background.. hairy wilderbeast he is...

Poppy with the kids... if it wasn't for Xave there would be 3 bald heads together...

While it was nice seeing the men in the family bonding, as usual, every time I see poppy, it just reminds me again that my nan isn't here, and the tears once again prick at my eyes. It doesn't help that while we take the opportunity on ANZAC day to remember the fallen and those still in war zones around the world, as a mother its also a time to remember the other mothers who sons were lost to war, the wives who lost husbands and children who lost fathers. Thank god for sunglasses to hide behind I say.

Aden (my little brother), Poppy, Dad and Xave

Poppy, Stella and I

I hope every day that I never have to wave my son off to war.

Oh and the rain held off until the service was over. Hooray.

I can see the light...

2010-04-23T22:48:00.003+10:00

Just for a moment today, I saw the light at the end of the tunnel.

No I did not have a near death experience, but rather I experienced a completely lovely moment between my children today.

Stella is walking more and more, well who am I kidding, she is walking. I have a walker. So practicing this new found skill is in high demand. I am encouraging her to walk to and from the car short and safe distances, no more trying to balance a nappy bag, baby on hip and keeping a tight grip on a kamikaze 2 year old.

Today on our way to tumble gym she was walking to the door holding my hand when Xavier took hold of her other hand to help her. After a few steps he informed me that I could let go and he would walk her. So I did, I lagged back and watched on with a bursting heart at my son, who spends most of his time tormenting her beyond belief, take her hand and gently guide her towards the doors. He gently walked her down the path, encouraged her up the stairs, and pushed and held the door open for her. What a gentleman.

Needless to say later that day he did hit, kick, push and bite her.. but alas, there was a moment, I can see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I tried to capture it on camera, but alas every time i got close someone would stumble or turn around to look at me... oh well, lets hope today's niceties were not a one off and I can catch it at some other time.

Ideas please...

2010-04-23T13:44:00.003+10:00

So clearly I'm struggling to come up with good stuff to blog about of late.. so I ask you, my loyal followers... what do you want me to blog about?

Have I told you a funny story that you think I should share?

Is there something about me you want to know?

Do you care to know my opinion on global warming? (OK please don't ask this coz I honestly don't have one)

Come on, you complain when I don't blog (not all of you of course) so help me out here... whatcha wanna know?

You wouldn't belive it...

2010-04-22T14:23:00.001+10:00

After blogging last night, I went to bed thinking once again of blog ideas.... AND I came up with a really really good one... come this morning I cant think of it for the life of me.

Here's hoping a stroke of genius will come back again....

Will also put a note in the phone if I think of something good tonight....

Sorry.

I'm alive.... and kicking.. I mean knitting

2010-04-21T21:57:00.005+10:00

So I know that I have been a very very slack blogger of late.. I completely understand if all my followers have un-followed me and never come here again... but I do have something to show from my absence...

It all starts when my wonderful friend Nessa and her lovely mother in law made Stella this AMAZING cardigan...

Not only am I a massive cardi fan anyway, but this one just takes the cardi cake.

Whilst visiting Nessa to collect our prize, Nessa was showing off some of her own knitting prowess. Beanies. Something I had never managed to work out. Every pattern I found talked of either double ended needles OR knitting on the round, both of which scared the beejeebus outta me. so I stuck to my standard 'pixie' hats...

Pixie Hats made by moi....

and the special Pixie Hat for my rainbow pixie jenjen...

BUT Nessa's MIL had taught her an easy way to make a beanie and well it was so easy I had to get out my needles and start a' knittin'.

I should add, I am far from a good knitter. My nan taught me to knit when I was just a little girl. She would cast on, I would knit a scarf and then she would cast off. I always planned to get her to teach me more, but well, she passed away before I had a daughter and really began to appreciate hand knitted wear. I'm really not into knitted stuff on boys, but my new found love of knitting has uncovered some boys jumpers I wish I was clever enough to make. But I digress.

So here are the products of my new found beanie knitting ability...

matching beanies for my boys... ok so this was not really intentional It started as a beanie for Xave, but well, it was a bit large, but it fits Adam, so perfect... then I had wool left, and I really loved the colour so Xave a made him a matching one too...

Im loving that Stels is getting into hat and shoe wearing. I look ridiculous in hats, so peeps please dont ever buy/make me a hat, but my baby girl looks amazing in well, anything. I am now on a mission for more cool, hippy, funky, hats... maybe I need to learn to crochet.

And for those of you who wish the know the secret... its so simple I cant believe I have never thought of it myself. Here it is, cast on the right number of stitches for around the head, knit the correct number of rows, then here's the easy bit, once its long enough, knit 2 stitches together... on every row, until you have 1 little stitch left... tie it off, and sew the seam together....

So I now have a whole stack on pretty wool I have bought to knit the kids up some beanies, Mum has asked me to make one for my step dad and a friend has asked me to knit for her cousin.. although I am planning to teach her to knit so she can do it herself. I have also started a cardi for Stels, although now that the wool is knitted I'm not sure I like it as much as I thought I would, so that cardi may be gifted away.

I also wanted to add, that nan never did teach me how to cast on or off. Once I re-caught the knitting bug, I got me off to you tube and learnt on line. My MIL is slightly useful for other bits and pieces, although her being left handed, and me not, its tricky for us both.

Busy doing everything and nothing all at once...

2010-03-25T14:33:00.003+11:00

I have been more than slightly AWOL from blogging of late. Its just that, well, I haven't had much of interest to write about, and when I have, I have been so very busy that I just haven't had the time to write about it. So here is a rundown of what has been keeping me so busy doing nothing in particular.

BabyCenter as always is just a constant source of work. Appointing new moderators, editing potty mouth members, sticking and unsticking posts for my lovely mods. Of course the danger is that I sit down to do my work for the day and end up wasting hours and hours cruising around BC to see what is going on, sprung some secret pregnancies that way or I just check in on FB and well... need I say more.

Scrapbooking. I have returned to scrapping and am loving it. Not only do I love the creative outlet, I love the time to myself. I don't have to worry about if I can hear the kids, or what to cook, or the washing, its just me, photos and coloured paper.. well and all those lovely lovely embellishments in the store.

ABA. Meetings are always a good time out, and recently I organised our groups fundraiser, we had the very lovely and talents Susan Darcy come and photograph our families. She is very generously donating 100% of the booking fee plus 10% of sales back to our group. Naturally my kids were wonderful alone, hamming it up for the camera, but because mumma was desperate for a great shot of the 2 of them together, neither child wanted to play. Actually let me correct myself there, Xave was more than happy to sit with his sister, Stella was cranky and did not want anyone touching her or putting her on the ground..brother or not.

And most exciting of all was our family trip to Sydney. We flew with Tiger, which is always asking for trouble, but for $25 what more can you expect. Flight was cancelled, switched to flight 3.5hours later, lady at check-in was a bitch and it took all I had not to tell her so. Hotel was great, kids were great, we did lots of walking, I did lots of drinking with BC girls and Xave was in heaven, between a day including a car, bus, plane, train and ferry what more could a little boy want. The kids even slept in the pram and sat next to each other in the side by side without killing each other. Pleasant change me thinks.

Oh almost forgot, I also did my first baby and kids market with BBH nappies and it was really good. Not huge sales, but lots of people took info, so fingers crossed they become customers. Next market I am going to organise the table a bit differently and print of a list for people to sign up to my mail list, I did mean to do this for that market but just forgot. Live and learn.

Finally, the children are starting to play so much nicer together. There is less and less hitting and pushing and more and more cuddles and kisses.. although one needs to watch Stella closely... I have a BITER!!!! nooooo she pretends she is coming of for a kiss.. and chomp, she gets ya. She bites me, Xavier and the other day her friend Nazeem... how embarrassing...

So as you can see, have been busy but not really doing much at all...

Spoke too soon...

2010-03-07T22:06:00.003+11:00

Yesterday arvo Xave woke with a temperature. Nothing drastic, but after being awake for just over an hour he took himself back off to bed and slept for almost 16 hours straight. Definitely not normal 2 year old behaviour.

This morning he had perked up a bit, but in the shower pretty much crashed again, Adam said he was on all fours just shivering on the shower floor, not a good look. He did muster enough energy to scream at Adam however, when he turned the shower off. He also found the energy to scream at us as we tried to get him dressed (no, no pants, no tee shirt, no jocks) he wanted to wear a towel and nothing else. We had talked about going shopping before he got in the shower, while he was bouncing on the bed, and boy oh boy did her remember that after his shower. We were trying to talk him around to lying down for a rest, but alas he screamed at us some more that he wanted to go shopping. Luckily Stels was also very ready for a sleep by this point, so she went down in her cot and he crashed in our bed with Daddy lying with him.

After he woke his temperature was much higher so off to the Dr's we went. Surprisingly only an hour wait for an extended hours bulk billing clinic nearby. We have had to go there a few times of a Sunday or public holiday and have always had really great Dr's there. Granted when I had pleurisy I had to wait almost 4 hours with a newborn to see a Dr, despite having chest pains, but today wasn't so bad.

I was possibly mean mummy, but I didn't give him any panadol before we went to the Dr's, because I didn't want his temperature or behaviour masked by pain relief, I wanted the Dr to see what was actually going on, besides he had had some in the early hours of the morning. By the time we go in to see the Dr his temp was 40.8 OMG that's crazy high. Dr checked him over and found nothing wrong with him as such, we were sent off to the nurse for a dose of panadol and to be observed. His temp came down and the Dr asked to see us again. We have been asked to get a urine sample and go back to see him again tomorrow.

Since coming home we have had another big sleep, a few small spews and a hilarious wee collection tale. He has been in a nappy most of the day due to him sleeping so much, but after a bath, which he protested loudly about getting into, then protested louder about getting out of, we put him in some jocks. He started whinging, we asked if he needed to go to the toilet, we had talked about the special cup he needed to do wees in for the Dr (oh the conversations you have as a parent) and he agreed. Adam was holding the cup (good job daddy) as Xave proudly pee'd into it... when I hear..'problem, problem'... Xave had a big big big wee ready to go, much more than the cup could handle, I attempted to push the potty over to catch the overflow, and was thwarted by the lid closing as I slid it across the floor... result, a full cup of wee AND wee all over the floor... I was laughing so hard there were tears.

So for now, he is asleep in our bed, whether he stays there or not is yet to be seen. Temperature is under control, mood has improved, wees is collected.. lets see what the night brings and what the Dr has to say tomorrow.

Plodding along nicely...

2010-03-06T15:58:00.002+11:00

No really we are just plodding along nicely. Which is great in one sense, life is good, but bad in the sense of having anything remotely interesting to blog about...

Kids are still fighting, but Stels is starting to walk more and more, nowhere near enough for me to say that I have a walker, but taking more and more steps every day. And rather chuffed with her efforts too I might add. Xavier seems to be growing out of the baby talk and starting to use big boy words again... he will just parrot back anything you say to him, (mental note, clean up the potty mouth) and has taken to calling his sister Missy Moo! So very cute of him.

Both kids are starting to enjoy swimming, Stella has taken to it much better than he has however, but I think that perhaps its her youth (compared to him) that makes her a bit less fearful in the water.

Toilet training is going well, not even any hilarious stories coming from there. He wears jocks, he tells me when he needs to go if we are out, all too easy... still in nappies at night time though, despite his insistence that he doesn't need them.

So really just wanted to let you all know that I'm alive, just bored and boring...

My Questions Answered...

2010-02-24T12:57:00.007+11:00

Ok so here goes... not as popular as I hoped it would be.... surely with 32 followers, I could have got some more questions... you guys suck...but I still love you....hehe...

Sazz asked;
My question: why don't you want to breastfeed Xave/why won't you let me? ;) I wink but I am curious.

Well its not that I don't want to breastfeed Xavier, its more than I never pictured myself feeding an almost 2.5 year old. I get that people do, I don't have an issue with others doing it, but its just not something I ever imagined doing for me. In saying that, part of me is so amazed that at his age Xavier has worked out how to attach and feed, that I feel like maybe I should allow him to feed, and on occasion I do in fact let him. He doesn't have a huge interest, he doesn't stay on long, really its more of a game to him, but I take the same approach with him that I plan on taking with Stella as she approaches 2, never offer, never refuse.. although I do often offer something else instead. So if and when he asks, and if I feel that its an appropriate time and place, I will allow him to have a quick feed.

I also choose not to blog or FB about this as I know many people I know in real life (I don't care that much what people I don't know irl think) would be completely freaked out by this and I don't feel that its really anyone else's business what I do with my kids and my breasts in the privacy of my own home.

Now to why wont I let you feed Xavier.. well, this is going to be a hard one without possibly causing some offence to someone, so apologies in advance. Cross nursing/co-feeding is just not for me or my kids. Again I don't have a problem with others doing it, I strongly believe that everyone has the right to make their own choices for their bodies and their babies. I have proven that I am more than happy to provide my expressed breast milk to someone else's child, and would happily accept EBM from someone else if my kids needed it, but personally I would feel uncomfortable actually putting someone else's child to my breast and well if either of mine drank from someone else's breast I would be as jealous as all hell. I worked hard to make enough milk for my daughter, and damn it she will appreciate it and not go looking for it somewhere else...

hope that answers it for you.

apwool asked;
ok, gulp, I will ask you one that I have wondered about and I hope you don't think I am being rude!! Just curious is all :) I'm certainly not asking because I think you were wrong, you just never really said in her arrival story why, and I am really nosey LOL
Why did you have an elective c/s with Stella?

This is something I am happy to talk about apwool. There are a number of reason, the first being I assumed once a CS always a CS. My obs (who I do adore) seemed to think that another CS was the best option for me seeing as there was such a small gap between my babies. He felt the risk of a VBAC was probably too high after only 16 months, he did say had it been 2 years he would have pushed me to VBAC, so he isn't against VBAC at all. I also spoke to the midwives (yes you must all remember that I am not a homebirther and would never choose to, nothing against it, just not for me) and she talked to me about the possibility of a VBAC. She talked me through the hospitals policy on VBAC and basically I would have been strapped to the bed on monitors, allowed to move very little and not allowed to have any pain relief (as I needed to be able to feel what my scar was doing at all times)... sorry but that doesn't really sound that natural to me at all. The final reason was that the CS with Xave was the most civilised thing ever. I am a control freak and I loved knowing the day I was having a baby. I recovered well and felt great. I had a very positive CS experience and honestly didn't feel that I missed out on anything. I have 2 healthy children, no one looking at them knows how or where they were born.

I should add, that since meeting that crazy hippy freak, Sazz, IF (my tubes are tied so really its a big hypothetical) I was to have another baby, I would try to VBA2C. It would still be in a hospital, I would still see my obs for antenatal care, but I would attempt to VBAC. In saying that, I still don't regret the decisions I made to have 2 CS.

Jessica asked (via FB);
What does your name mean?

Well, seeing as my folks made it up it doesn't really mean anything. I once looked it up in a name book (lets be honest, every name book I pick up I look for my name) and the book said that Kin means golden and Tara means tower... so I guess Kintara could mean, golden tower... hmmm tall blonde? I think not, my folks stuffed that one up didn't they...lol

They did get it from a racehorse named Kenny's Tara apparently that they won some money on and played around to come up with my name.

Leesa asked (via FB);
what made you get into feeding other peoples nappy addictions and sell BBH?

Because I wanna be Emma...lol... sorry, I have a friend Emma who works for them to, and we joke that she converted me to cloth, bf, BBH, so I just want to be her clone.

In all honesty, for a long long time, I have secretly (well not so secret now) wanted to open my own shop. I want to be my own boss. I want to sell cloth nappies, I believe that when people can see and touch they are converted, baby wearing gear, where people can hire carriers before purchasing, breastfeeding stuff and hand made clothes and gifts from WAHM... I have no idea where I would even begin to finance this dream of mine, so in the meantime, I started selling BBH. I love their products (nappies and the best baby carrier, ergo's), there wasn't anyone representing the Mornington Peninsula (my area) and the extra cash comes in handy to finance my own nappy addiction... Seriously, I have been selling for 4 months now, and only this month has my account started to make a profit..lol

Jade asked (via FB);
Why is the sky blue???

I have no freaking idea... you are the science teacher, you tell me....lol

Ealesy asked;
What's you most and least favourite kind of reptile?

To be honest, I really dont dig reptiles at all. I have no interest is looking at them or holding them of having them anywhere near me. I hope that the kids never want to have a reptile for a pet, because they are going to be told no, they can wait until they move out of home.... ooo hang on I just did a google, and I dont mind turtles.... so turtles are my fav reptile.... yes I had to check there were in fact reptiles.

Ask me a question...

2010-02-23T21:45:00.002+11:00

So I kind of got this idea from another blog, was just scanning and found a blog where she was answering questions, not sure when/where she was asked but it gave me a blog idea.... seeing as I have so many loyal followers, i encourage you all to ask me a question and I will answer it...

You can be random, or funny (or try to be) or serious or a little bit naughty... and I will endeavour to answer then all...

so come on, ask away...

Brother Anxiety...

2010-02-23T11:57:00.002+11:00

Stella has been somewhat challenging of late. If I am not within arms reach or clear sight, she has a complete and utter meltdown... and well, its not a mummy thing, if daddy is about she is OK or any other adult to be honest.

Its exhausting, having to constantly be near her, reassuring her from the next room is not enough and its heartbreaking hearing her sobbing as she crawls trying to find me, while I'm trying to just do something (get dressed, washing, wee). Nothing is getting done around the house (Adam would argue that it never really does) but while I have worked out cooking with a child on my hip and I can kind of load the dishwasher and put on a load of washing, hanging it out is impossible... and don't get me started on folding it or putting it away. Sweeping the floor with child on hip is doable, but not easy.

I was putting it down to separation anxiety, which is new to me. Xave was such a chillaxed little dude that he never really got upset if we left the room, he would just happily play on his own until we returned. Just one more difference between my kids.

But yesterday, I came to a new realisation... Stella is not suffering separation anxiety at all... she is suffering brother anxiety!!! Meaning, she is anxious when she is left alone with her brother.

I came to this realisation yesterday when Miss woke a good half hour before he did. And she was a different child. She played happily alone in the family room while I was packing nappy orders in the lounge, she even got out of her chair and took 2 unaided steps across to her music table (YAH!) I was able to wander around the house without a sobbing mess following me, she was smiley and happy and beautiful.

But that all changed once Xave woke up... as soon as she heard him, she cried as soon as I was out of her sight. She followed me around sobbing...rightly so, seeing as Xavier was also grabbing, pulling and pushing her more than necessary.

I am at my wits end with the both of them. This past month, putting them both in full time care and returning to paid work, really does seem to be the easy option. Of course, in my heart, I know that being away from them so much would just break my heart and really isn't what I want to do at all.. but some days... geez... its tempting.

She has started assertive herself more when he takes things from her, mainly with screams and calls of 'mumma' for help, but if she had it first, she holds on tight and doesn't back down easily. He does really love her, he tries to give her cuddles which end in headlocks and her screaming, he shares his food with her and always asks me for one for Stella too (although he does always give her the little one) but I have noticed of late, she has stopped looking at him with the complete adoration she did when she was younger (you know because she is soooo old and all) instead she looks at him with reservation, just a look of not being sure what he is going to do to her at any given moment, and it breaks my heart.

baaaa I'm a sheep...

2010-02-20T16:23:00.002+11:00

...yes I did it, I got me an Iphone.. and well, I was pretty excited about the whole deal, but well, now that its here, I'm a bit meh about it.

Sure it pretty, and smooth and shiny, but well... Im not yet in love with it.

Granted I need to update my calendar and my contacts but well... those of you who have one, let me in on some tips to make me love the thing that I am no committed to for 2 years.

I have downloaded the facebook app (naturally) but thats it.. what else should I be downloading on it? Free downloads that is, far to tight to buy them?

Also should probably put some music on it, ringtone choices are not awesome....

hmm ideas people please..

Build it up, build it up, build it high...

2010-02-15T22:07:00.002+11:00

... well perhaps not high as such, but building works will be starting here sooner than later.

Today we got word that our second set of garage plans have been approved. The first lot were knocked back as we wanted to build too close to the road, so we took off our proposed office, and met the councils requirement of a 6m setback and voila, approval.

The next step I'm told is that the draftsman will submit our plans to the building surveyor and then we have to get the owner builder paperwork on the go then construction begins....

I cant wait, it will be so awesome to finally have a garage, to be able to get the kids in the car no worries, rain, hail or shine. It will be nice to let the kids out the door and not have to panic about them running onto the road (well not quite in Stella's case yet, but you know what I mean). I am hoping that by the winter rain we have at the very least a roof on... that's my own little personal goal.

There will also be some interesting things happening during the building process. What is currently our front door will become our direct garage access and what is currently our front window will become our front door. I am already in a bit of a panic about how this exactly works, surely they cant leave me door less? Can they? I guess the builders will have it all sorted out just fine, after all, that's what they do.

Most of our front garden will be pulled up, and despite Adam complaining about this, I think he is secretly going to enjoy having a pretty much blank canvas to work with. He has always talked about ripping out the entire garden and starting again, and well here's his chance.

It will be a pain having to park on the road for a while, well I'm guessing I will have to park on the road, but it will all be worth it once we have our garage finished.

so stay tuned peeps, for building updates...

Ladyby, Ladybug, fly away home...

2010-02-14T16:32:00.004+11:00

Yesterday was Stella's first birthday party, and it was ladybug themed...

the food was ladybug (or ladybug colours)

the cake had ladybugs

and some of us dressed as ladybugs...

We had a jumping castle and the kids cubby house, sandpit and trampoline all set up for the kids to play in, all of which got a good workout and seemed to be enjoyed.

Stella was spoilt rotten with presents, her winter wardrobe is now well stocked and she has some lovely new toys and books to play with.

I cant forget, we also shared a birthday boobie...

As much as I enjoyed the day, I'm glad its over and done with... party planning is so exhausting but seeing everyone having such a good time it makes it all worth it.

Happy 1st Birthday Stella

2010-02-12T16:23:00.000+11:00

To my daughter...

What a challenge and blessing you have been these past 12 months.

I look at you and all I see is me. A tiny little version of myself. You have my features and you have my attitude. My mum always said that she hoped I would have a daughter just like me, and well, here you are.

In 12 short months you have pushed buttons I didn't know I had, you have made me laugh and cry and throw things and scream out loud. You amaze me with your humour and courage, and frustrate me with your drama queen antics.

You are beautiful. Daddy says, more beautiful than me, and while I act hurt at this, I know its true. Sometimes when you are feeding I look down at you in awe at just how perfect and lovely you are. It helps that with a mouthful of boob you are generally quiet too, a rare moment of peace.

I know that in the years to come you are going to push more buttons, we will yell and scream at each other, we will say things that are hurtful and things that are loving. But Im sure I will never stop being amazed by your character.

Today on your birthday, know that you are adored by all who cross your path, but in particular by your mummy, daddy and big brother.

May you have a wonderful day, not that you will remember it, but know that I thought long and hard about how to spend today, so just go with the flow and have a good time.

Love, kisses and much respect from your mum xxx

Grandparents...

2010-02-11T14:34:00.003+11:00

After talking about my nan briefly during Stella's birth story, I felt it might be nice to share a little more about these wonderful people I was blessed to have in my life growing up.

My Nan, is my dad's mum. Her name was Dorothy, but most people called her Dossie, and she was awesome. She is where I get my crafty side from. She was an amazing knitter and sewer, she made all of my clothes when I was small (before name brands become essential) and my barbies and cabbage patch dolls had extensive wardrobes thanks to her. She taught me to knit and sew as a child, neither of which I do well anymore. She also taught me to cross stitch, which I still do quite a bit of and am rather good and quick at. She lived with my pop across the road from my primary school and each day used to bring me and my closest friends treats at recess and lunch. In winter it would be hot milo or tomato soup with toast, in summer, home made icypoles or ice cream cones. She was fastidious about neat hair and straight parts, and every morning I would sit at her feet while she did my hair for school. Never a hair out of place, no bumps and pigtails were always exactly even.

She was a wonderful cook of meals. She did the best ox tail and veggie soup. Granted I don't eat veggies but the broth and ox tail from that soup was the best thing ever on a cold winters day. She did a full roast dinner every Sunday lunch and never have I found anyone who does roast potatoes as good as she did. She wasn't much of a dessert cook, but always had time to help make toffee, or chocolate crackles or honey comb with me as a child to indulge my whims.

She spoilt me rotten. I had my own room there and spent several nights a week at nan's house. If there was a new toy out, she would get it for me, she even fought with a lady at the toy shop over the last black my child doll, because I wanted a black one. Natarsha, as she was named, still holds pride of place on my dresser now, dressed fully in a hand knitted navy and red outfit, complete with knickers and all... I was so spoilt that my nan paid for my first car. From the day I was born she had been saving her 1 & 2 cent pieces and putting them into an account for me, when they stopped making them she started putting her 5 cent pieces in instead. By the time I turned 18, there was almost $1500 in the account to buy my first car, a 1982 Holden Gemini.

I'm not sure if she was just slightly morbid, or if she truly believed it, but she asked me to wear the necklace she wore on her wedding day when I did my deb ball in 1995 as she felt she wouldn't be here to see me married and she figured my deb dress was close enough to a wedding dress. So I did. I didn't particularly like the necklace as a 16 year old, but I could see how much it meant to her, so I wore it. Needless to say I also wore the necklace on my wedding day in 2004 with my nan there to celebrate with me. It has been left to me to care for, it was given to my nan by her own mother-in-law as her something old on her wedding day, so it has been in our family for over 100 years now. Several of my aunts and cousins have also been married in the necklace, and in time I hope to collate a photo history of the necklace to travel with it on its journey through our family. Which I really should do before any more of my great aunts pass on.

My last memory of her is at home, she got very sick very fast and passed quickly. It was what she always wanted, her sisters got dementia and suffered before passing, and she didn't want that to happen to her. She had asked to see me, I burst into tears as soon as I got there, she held me and told me to not be silly, she wasn't going anywhere, she was going to hold that baby of mine before she gave up the fight. If only her prediction was right.

My Pop, my dad's dad, is a big loud bellowing man. His name is Ronald, but everyone called him Tom (his middle name) He was a farrier and knew a whole lot about horses and seemingly cows and other animals too. It is from my pop that I get my love of all things fruity as well as my storytelling skills. My nan and pop had huge fruit trees in their backyard at home. As a child I climbed these trees and overindulged on blood plums, apples, apricots and locuts... there was also a huge fyjoa tree, but I don't like those. Pop would bring me home cherries and strawberries and mango's from the markets and we would sit like royalty stuffing our faces with out sweet delights.

During these times curled up on his lap eating fruit, he would tell me story after story. He had stories about all kinds of things, and as a child I loved them all. But the one that sticks with me all these years later, is the one about the hobyahs. The story is about a little old woman and a little old man who live in the forest with their dog (his name changed regularly). Each night the hobyahs (who were like horrible little goblin creatures who wanted to eat them) would come up to the house and the dog would bark and bark and the little old man would get cross and yell at the dog, each night cutting off part of the dog to teach him a lesson (yep charming story for a young child) so first was his tail, then an hear, leg, nose, etc until there was no dog left anymore. The next night, the hobyahs came again, this time because there was no dog to scare them off, they kidnapped the little old woman and took her back to their camp. When the little old man woke up he was shocked to find his wife gone, so he put the dog back together again (umm yeah ok...) and off they went to find the little old woman. They did, the hobyahs were going to cook and eat her, but the dog barked and scared them all off and the little old man rescued her and they lived happily ever after.... naturally you need to have the lap of a loving poppy and the voices and snarls for this story to really work, but it was this time with him that began my passion for storytelling and hearing stories.

He also taught me a healthy respect for animals. I was not allowed to be afraid of horses, but was never to trust them. His joking began my complete and utter fear of cows. One day out at 'the block' where our horses were kept, a cow had birthed a new calf. He was going out to make sure it was all OK as the calf hadn't gotten up to walk as yet and he asked if I wanted to come with him. Sure! Half way across the paddock he joked I had better be careful the bull didn't charge me seeing as I was wearing red! That was it, I bolted right out of that paddock and will not go near cows now, EVER. The worst bit is that there wasn't even a bull in the paddock, not to mention that they charge movement not red. It was also during my time out 'the block' that my love of molasses was started. For those who don't know, molasses is a thick black sticky sweet substance, its a stage in sugar making, much richer than treacle..but delicious all the same and according to my pop its the perfect thing for horse cough. It was given to the horses at the first sign of a cough, not to mention given to me too at a sore throat (many of which were claimed for a spoonful of molasses) Out 'the block' most nights after school, I would wander off and stick my finger in the giants tubs of molasses we had there. A favourite horse used to be rewarded with apples slices dipped in molasses.

My pop recently, on Australia Day, celebrated his 90th birthday. He was determined to make it to that day but kept telling us all that he wouldn't last much longer. Time will tell on this one I guess.

My mum's mum was always known as Possy Poo Nan. WHY? Well because she called me possum poo poo and well, I had 2 nans so had to be able to tell the difference, and possy poo poo nan just stuck. Her real name was Olive. She was a little woman with a sharp wit and potty mouth. I adored her. She taught me dirty rhymes and we would laugh and cackle as mum would tell her off for teaching me such things. Granted it wasn't quite so funny when I would get into trouble at school (catholic school I might add) for singing "we 3 kings from orentair, selling ladies underwear, one on a scooter, pulling his hooter, following yonder star". She said shit and fart and bugger and I thought she was tough. She loved cuddles and would squeeze you so very tight that for a second you would quite literally stop breathing.

Possy poo nan used to come and stay with us every Wed and Thur night during my childhood. She wasn't much of a meal cook, but boy could that woman bake desserts. She made the most amazing apple pies and choc mud cakes. People would kill for her lemon meringue pie and her scones were to die for. Each week of a Wednesday we would race home from school to see what sweet treat was waiting for us from her. During my, well, I guess eating disorder time, she would bring something for the family, then a second dessert just for me. I would sit and hide and stuff my face, then purge and punish myself for a week for being so weak.

The older she got, the more she seemed to shrink. I guess that fact that I was also growing didn't help that perception either, but really she was shrinking. She still sent $10 in a card for my birthday every year until she died, actually, come to think of it, my birthday this year will be my first without a card from her. She lived independently almost until she died from cancer in July last year. While it was sad, her passing came as a relief after months of illness. One of my last memories of her was just after Stella was born, I had gone to visit her with the new baby. We chatted about mundane things for a while and then she asked, "are you feeding her?" to which I replied, "oh no, I let her starve, don't want her to get fat like the rest of us." she laughed, told me not to be a smart arse and clarified, "I mean, are you feeding her or is she on the bottle?" I told her that I was in fact feeding her, to which my nan replied, "Its a lovely thing isn't it?" After how hard I had fought to feed Stella, it meant so much to have her acknowledge the awesomeness of what I was doing. We then had a brief chat about her breastfeeding history, it was a nice final memory.

So if I haven't bored you to tears and you have read this far, thank you. I know how blessed I am to have had 3 wonderful grandparents growing up. My mum's dad died when she was only 14 so I never got to know him at all. I also am so happy that my children have 6 loving grandparents to guide them through their childhood. My parents are divorced and both remarried, but the step grandies love the kids just as much as the others do. Unfortunately, my kids grandies, were able to agree on different names so that there is no risk of anyone becoming poo poo anything... lol

Breastfeeding Stella...

2010-02-10T17:06:00.007+11:00

Like with her birth story, you really need to read Xavier's breast feeding story to understand where Stella's story comes from..

After the initial shock of being pregnant again so soon after Xave, I began to think about the breast feeding relationship I wanted this time around. And the basis of that was, that I wanted one. I wanted pictures and success and months and months of milky goodness.

So operation Breastfeed began.

First step was to make use of my ABA subscription. I decided that I was going to attend some meetings before my baby arrived, well I made it to 1 meeting when I was 14 weeks pregnant, I still remember Helen and Kathy from that meeting (mainly because we were all as pregnant as each other) and I also remember Meredith with a very little baby (who is now a little boy). However, after that meeting, Xave and I seemed to just share this cycle of sickness... he got sick, I got sick, he got sick.. and I really didn't want to share our germs with others.

As part of my ABA subscription, Adam and I also attended a Breastfeeding Education Class. I had done that much research myself that I didn't really learn anything there, but boy oh boy do I wish that I had gone to that class before I had Xavier... my story could have been a very different one if I had...but then, maybe I needed Xavier's experience to bring me to the place and person I am today.

Stage 2 was to meet and debrief with the hospital Lactation Consultant about what happened last time and how we could fix it this time around. It was great, it really put my mind at ease to know that there were notes in my file about how important it was to me to breast feed and that the LC's were planning to come and visit me soon after delivery.

I also truly believed that the formula top ups that Xavier had were the beginning of the end of our breast feeding relationship. Avoiding giving Stella formula was of great importance to me. I noticed around 25 weeks pregnant that if I squeezed, I could get a small amount of colostrum out of my breasts.(do not ask how or why one decided to squeeze ones boobs during pregnancy) On mentioning this to a breastfeeding friend, she told me that I could collect this up and freeze it, offering it to Stella if she lost too much weight and was needing top ups after birth. I did some more reading about this, and decided that I would express daily (after 35 weeks pregnant) and freeze my collection. I ended up with about 30ml all up in the freezer, most days would yield between 0.5-1ml of liquid gold, which seems like dismal amounts, but knowing that a newborns stomach only holds 3-5ml, it was enough.

I knew that the road to successful breastfeeding was not going to be easy, and I knew that I would need the support of those close to me most. I wrote letters to those whose support I valued asking for their help and giving them ideas about what I would find helpful and what I would not find helpful. I'm unsure if this was appreciated or not, but it was something I needed to ask for me.

I asked my friend Sam to be the delivering midwife for Stella's Cesarean birth. She and I had many discussion about how important breastfeeding was to me, and she assured me she would do all she could to assist us succeed. It was Sam who told the recovery nurse checking my blood pressure could wait until Stella was on the breast... it was Sam who captured this photo of Stella's first ever breastfeed...

I will forever appreciate her help in these first hours of my daughters life.

We experienced some attachment issues with grazed nipples. But a visit from the LC soon fixed that up for me. We experienced greater than 10% weight loss and jaundice. There was mention of top ups, I agreed once again, but rather than formula, this time I had my freezer stash of colostrum ready and waiting. I also had my sister, who was feeding at the time, express almost 100ml of her breast milk for me to give to Stella over formula if needed. It made me laugh when the midwife exclaimed, "oh, you're that woman." I asked her to clarify and she said she had heard there was someone on the ward who had frozen colostrum..she also added that she thought it was wonderful and she wished more people were as in the know as I seemed to be.

I allowed Stella unlimited access to the breast, and she took full advantage of that. She also took all of the colostrum I had frozen, she regained enough weight and was allowed to come home.

Initially my goal was to breastfeed her for longer than I fed Xavier. The early days were certainly not all roses and breast milk. My supply was low again, but a wonderful LC got me onto medication when Stella was 6 days old to boost my supply. It worked. We reached 2 weeks with relative ease.

The next goal was 6 weeks. I kept hearing that if you can make it to 6 weeks it gets easier from there. We got to 6 weeks, still trying to work out supply, with slow weight gains, but gains nonetheless. As a reward I bought my boobies a sexy feeding bra. Yes, they do exist.

The next goal was 6 months. We got there and celebrated with another sexy bra. But it was tough. Supply was low, weight gains were lower and it took all the support my ABA group could muster to support me through these months. But we got there. I had always suspected that I would be weaning her around 6 months. But as that time approached, she still seemed like such a baby. So I decided I would wean her when she got teeth.

A month later, she cut her first tooth. A bottom one. No stress, I knew that when they were feeding properly their tongues should be out over their bottom lip, therefore a feeding baby could not bite. Then the top teeth arrived, they could, and did bite once or twice. But we kept on keeping on.

We overcame the sticky beaks of 7 months, the pinching of 8 months and the seeming complete lack of interest in breastfeeding of 9 months. That was of course until she got severe gastro at 9 months and lost 800g in 6 days. She kept nothing down, not even breast milk. She was hospitalised twice and re hydrated via nasal tube during these times. After that she came back to her boobies with a vengeance.

We have fed in playgrounds, in bed, at the sink at the hairdressers while having a colour washed out, we have been smiled at and frowned at alike as we fed in cafes and restaurants, we have had some wonderful chats with random strangers, from a 4 year old who was sure my milk must have been delicious seeing as Stella fed from both sides, to the lovely old lady who reminisced with me about how much she enjoyed feeding her own children.

The final goal was to be 12 months, but as that date approaches all too fast, once again the finishing line moves. The new line, well who really knows. I now am saying 2. But she may choose to end our breastfeeding relationship before then, or 2 may come and go as quickly as 1 has and we may find ourselves still sharing our special time while we share boobies.

Whenever the end may come, I am bloody proud of how far I have come. Yes I was pigheaded, yes it was hard, but I wouldn't change a second of it for love nor money. I still take medication to keep my supply up and will do until we finish feeding, but its a small price to pay to allow me to do something that brings my daughter and I so much joy.

Gold badge for Breastfeeding for 12 months

Stella's arrival Story...

2010-02-09T20:29:00.003+11:00

If you aren't familiar with my road to motherhood with Xavier, you can read it here...

...but as baby girls first birthday approaches, all to fast I might add, the time to share her journey into the family has come.

There is 16 months between my babies, and to understand why the gap is so close, its important to know just how long it took for us to fall pregnant with Xavier. 26 long months to be exact.

We had always planned to have kids close. There is a big gap (5 years) between myself and my brother and sister (who are twins) and I have always felt that played a part in the not so close relationship we have. Adam on the other hand, has 16 months between him and his brother and he loved it growing up. He says he never remembers a time when he didn't have a brother, playmate and partner in crime. Although his mother will tell you that Adam was an angel, it was his brother David who led Adam astray. Anyone who knows Dave, will probably agree to this. Personally, I find Dave great fun and actually miss him being around (he lives in London at the moment).

But despite planning kids close, what we got was a little closer than anticipated. We thought 18 months would be a nice time frame, so decided that we would stop using contraception (condoms) when Xave was 6 months old, seeing as it took us ages to get pregnant anyway we figured it would be maybe 12 months before we were pregnant again.

Turns out that Adam's birthday was on Xave's 5 month birthday, and he joked that perhaps he deserved a 'free ride'... so we then decided that we would stop using contraception on Adam's birthday. After all, in 5 years time, would a few months really matter.

In may that year, we were on holidays in sunny Queensland, visiting the lovely Kimbo and my cousin Kaylene and her son Caleb, Xavier was 7 months old and trying to have a baby was the last thing on our minds.

But it was state of origin time, we hate rugby, so I suggested to our hosts that if I was going to have to watch that crud, they had better find me some wine, FAST! They did, and also found Adam some bourbon too. We watched, we drank, we kind of enjoyed it... we were tipsy and we GOT IT ON at a friends place... how very teenage of us.

Weeks later back at home, I realised that my period was probably due soon, when my ticker reminded me that it was in fact due the day before. I had no HPT's in the house, so went to get one, and low and behold... there were 2 lines...

Once again, I called Adam, who declared that he has "super sperm" then a moment later went, "shit its gonna be a girl" lovely. I didn't care what it was, it was another baby, and despite how wonderfully relaxed and easy going Xave was, I was not ready for another one. It wasn't supposed to happen so quickly. It was supposed to take longer. OMG how on earth were we going to do this? Adam was the ever calm one, reminding me that in 5 years the few months wasn't going to matter... and I'm sure he is right, but at the time, all my brain could process was "oh shit!"

Again I did pregnancy well. Blood pressure was medicated but behaved, no hospitalisations were needed, no morning sickness. Tired? yes, but what mother of a small child isn't tired? I did get huge, fast, but I loved the preggo belly, I loved feeling her move and I loved being pregnant.

We argued about whether to find out what we were having this time. We didn't find out with Xavier, figured with our first it didn't matter. I was desperate to know this time, I adore my son, but I really was rather desperate for a girl. Adam didn't care what it was and he didn't want to know this time either. He was concerned that if we found out we were expecting another boy, I would spend the next 4 months depressed... I argued that if it was a boy, yes I would be sad for a minute, but by the time he was here I would have worked through it and just be happy he was here and safe. We were still debating this in the waiting room, at the same time, deciding on a boys name...just for the record, had Stella been a boy, her name would have been Baxter. Adam finally agreed that I could find out BUT I was not allowed to tell anyone else what we were having, it was to be our little secret. Deal!

Towards the end of the scan, the sonographer asked if there was anything else we wanted to see. I asked if the baby was happy to show us what it was packing downstairs. He said it was, and asked if we wanted to know. I replied, I think so, looking hopefully at Adam to make sure he hadn't changed his mind. He said, well thinking so isn't good enough. If you want to know I will tell you, but you have to really be sure, I cant take it back once you know. I said if he could tell me with 99% accuracy then to tell us. So he did. He got a good shot of the aforementioned downstairs, and immediately I saw it, I saw something that resembled a hamburger... it was a girl. Then he said, now see those round bits there.. ARGH what? I said slighly panicked, they are testicles aren't they? He laughed and said, no, they are the balls of the hips, look between them, that there is her FANNY! yes the sonographer said fanny! I cried. Which freaked Adam out a little. He looked at me and said, I thought you wanted a girl. I told him I did, these were happy tears.

On a side note, I am not generally a crier. Its just not something I do often. But while I was pregnant with Xave I lost my beloved nan. I was a mess. I was her favourite and the thought that she wouldn't be here to hold my firstborn cut me to the core. All I wanted was one photo of her with my child, holding them, loving them, the way she did me as a baby, a toddler, a child, a teenager, an adult... I always thought that it was 'Hollywood' that people quite literally collapsed with grief, but its what I did. When I got the call, I was at Rock Eisteddfod rehearsals and quite literally collapsed in a heap on the foyer floor of our school gym. I took a week off work, I helped plan the funeral, I surrounded myself with her. With her daughters (my aunts), her house, her knitting... I wore her necklace (that is now mine) to keep her close to my heart. She always talked of me having a daughter, although she was knitting a coming home outfit for my baby when she died, and she was knitting blue, she obviously knew something the rest of us did not. But from the day she died, there was something each day that would remind me of her and I would cry. It would be a song, a smell, seeing another old lady with a baby, my heart just ached to have her back.

I share this, not because I want you to cry, but to understand why at that moment the sonographer told me my baby had a fanny, my heart healed. I felt that growing inside me was a precious gift from my nan. The great grand-daughter she talked of. The little girl she had been knitting for long before I was even considering having children. At that moment, I knew, I just knew without question that she was watching me, guiding me and she had sent me this little girl sooner than expected or planned.

As easy as my pregnancy was, deciding on a name for out little girl was not. Adam wanted Lyla, I didn't know what I wanted. I liked Lyla enough, but I didn't love it, and to not love the name of such a precious gift was just somehow not right. I needed a name that just made my heart sing. We threw around Lucinda (LuLu) and Violet (nan's favourite flower) but nothing felt perfect for me. Then I found Stella and that was it, it was perfect. It means star, my favourite things, and it was strong and feminine. Adam HATED it. Middle names were easy, Dossie after my nan, Dorothy and Grace after Adam's nan, but deciding on the first name was a killer.

So we left it. She would be something Dossie Grace.

On the night before she was born, Adam said to me, what is her name?, I don't want to be deciding on the way to the hospital tomorrow morning. I answered, you know what I want to call her.

She was another elective Cesarean. I booked it for 39 weeks as my private obs was delivering in the public hospital once a fortnight and I wanted him to do it. My friend Sam was the attending midwife, and an old school friend Danielle was there as a student midwife.

It was Thursday 12th February 2oo9.

On the way to the hospital, he asked, what is her name?, I don't want to be deciding on the way to theatre. I answered, you know what I want to call her.

The day she was born was crazy. They told me I was 3rd on the theatre list, then took me down 5 minutes later, only to realise I was not in labour and needing an emergency CS, I was in fact very much not in labour...they had grabbed the wrong person...oops (I feel for the girl who was really in labour and should have been in theatre) As well as my student midwife, there were a few other students in the room too, both of the midwife and obstetric variety. I loved it, it meant that I got to listen to everything that was happening as the real Dr's and midwives explained it all to the students. Although I do recall asking when I heard a catheter was going in, "where are the students? If I wanted people looking up my who-ha I would have pushed a baby out of it", a lovely male student called out to assure me, they were all over on the side wall for the time being...lol

At this point Adam asked me, what is her name?, She has to have a name before we leave theatre. I answered, you know what I want to call her.

Her delivery was easy and quick. It seemed much faster than Xavier's was. Maybe because she was head down and not all breech with legs akimbo. She came out screaming and pissed off at the world. I had been chatting away during delivery, seeing as there were so many people I knew so well in the room, when all of a sudden, there she was, in front of me and I fell silent... not because she was so loud I couldn't be heard (although she was pretty loud) but because all I could see were her bits... the Dr then said, "it is a girl" and I replied with, "thank fuck, I thought they were balls"...lol.

On first sight, I sighed, "oh she has a piggy nose", Adam pointed out, "she has your nose", yes I said, a piggy nose. She looked as much like me as Xavier looked like Adam. Yet, there was something so similar about them both.

Time in recovery with her was short, in no time at all we were back in our room with Adam wanting to make announcement phone calls, when Sam (the midwife) walked in and asked, what is her name? and he replied, Stella Dossie Grace Phillips.

Upon unwrapping my precious bundle back in our room, one of the first things I noticed was that Stella had my nan's hands. It was the final confirmation that she was indeed hand picked and sent by my nan for Adam, Xavier and I to love.

Craft it forward...

2010-02-01T12:38:00.001+11:00

I found this "pay it forward" atJen's blog. My reasons for joining in are I love handmade gifts, I love parcels in the post, and I want more excuses to get crafty myself ;)

Basically:
■I will make a handmade gift for the first 3 people who comment on this post.
■I have 365 days in which to do it.
■What it will be and when it will arrive is a total surprise!

The catch is that you must participate as well ~ you must also pay it forward. Write up a little pay it forward post on your blog to keep the fun going.

At this point it's difficult to say what you will receive, but love and care will go into the making ;)
I hope you will want to join in the fun!

Not until 2...

2010-01-31T13:14:00.002+11:00

I have come to realise that its really not until you have 2 children of your own, same mumma same dadda, that you realise just how different 2 little people can be.

Now I have harped on in the past about the personality differences between my 2 children, drama queen Vs serial killer (kidding, he is just nuts...lol) but as Stella grows from being a baby, to a toddler, the difference in the 2 amazes me each and every day.

It was clear from the outset that Xave was an early talker. No surprises really, considering he is the child of a SAHM who has verbal diarrhea and is an on leave English teacher. He was saying mum-mum and da-da at 4.5 months, and by 1 had a good 15-20 words under his belt plus a catalogue of animal noises. By the time his sister was born at 16 months, he was putting 2-3 word sentences together and by 2 he could recite 12 books, sing numerous nursery rhymes, count to 20 and negotiate sleep, biscuits or icy poles like a pro. Mumma often is heard chanting, "I will not negotiate with terrorists".... yet she continues to do so...

Stella on the other hand, same genes, same SAHM mum who still has verbal diarrhea, plus a brother who suffers the same fate, barely says boo in comparison. We get mum-mum and daddeeee, cat, dog, va-va (Xavier) and that's about it. Now don't get me wrong, I completely understand that compared to averages she is doing pretty well. But compared to what I guess I'm used to, she seems, well quiet. Although I must say in the last week we have been hearing much more babble that sounds like she is really trying to tell me something very very interesting.

Comparing the physical development though is the complete opposite. Xave was a late sitter, sitting unsupported at 9 months. An average crawler, starting commando at 7 months and hands and knees at 11 months. A very late walker, taking his first unassisted steps 4 days shy of 16 months, despite cruising furniture from about 10 months and climbing like a monkey not long after.

Stella however, sat unassisted at about 5 months, crawled, her crazy little crab crawl at 10 months and by 11.5 months has worked out getting herself to standing without support. This is the newest trick, and I recall Xave took those first steps with a week or two of mastering the solo stand. But not getting hopes of an early walker up, as I know understand just how different two kids can be.

There are some other things that I have noticed that surprise and amaze me. Stella at 10 months started doing hand actions to songs, Xave has only started doing this since starting music half way through 2009. When I pointed out the Adam just how clever I thought this made Stella, he pointed out that perhaps I just never showed Xave as I assumed a baby that young couldn't learn to do it. This could also be a good argument for teaching Stella some baby sign language, she isn't talking much but she seems to get hand actions... hmmm food for thought.

In all honesty, I knew my kids would be different. Really it goes without saying. But that doesn't mean that I'm still not surprised each and every day by just how different they really are. But then I get a look from one and see the other looking back at me, or hear someone laugh from the other room and don't know which one it is, and I know that while they are different they really are both the same in ways too.

Sign of things to come? I hope not...

2010-01-29T17:29:00.003+11:00

Today has been one of those tough ones with the kids.. actually lets be honest, its been a tough week children wise.

Xave's aggression towards Stella has returned.. and the drama queen is of course in full swing about it.

I'm sure it all stems from his love of her, really it does. But she does not like being picked up by her head while having her eye sockets used as hand holds, she does not love cuddles so tight that she cannot breathe and she does not like being pushed into doors and windows...and you know what, I don't blame her. I just wish that sometimes she would wait for him to actually do these things BEFORE she starts screaming about it. She has got to the point that he just comes near her and she starts.

With her being more mobile now, this often means that the screaming begins in another area of the house, so I have to drop what I'm doing to go running to ascertain if she is being a drama queen or if he is in fact hurting her. So I'm claiming all that running back and forth as my daily exercise, add to that the constant squatting to pick her up from her tormentors grasp and lugging her around on my hip while I try and get things done.

But it has me pondering... is my son always going to be violent to those he loves so dearly? and is my daughter going to be a victim of domestic violence at the hands of a man who claims to love her? Sheesh, I hope not.

Then I get thinking, is is bad parenting that I really want to see her just thump him back. She has always been such a determined, headstrong little person, that I am really quite shocked that she takes this from him. Only to scream in my lap until he does something that looks amusing and off she goes again after him.

I guess I know the answer. My son is not a woman beater (although all the pushing he has been doing of his female friends of late is annoying) and my daughter will not allow herself to be pushed around by a man or anyone else. But on days like today, gee its hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Missing me?

2010-01-28T13:13:00.002+11:00

I realise I have been a bit AWOL of late, after my enthusiastic start to blogging, in the last week I have become more than a little slack. But I have a good reason.. OK, maybe not so much a reason than an excuse.

I hear you questioning, what could be more important that my loyal stalkers, sorry, followers. Is it the kids, is one of them sick. No.

What about Adam? Is he OK? Yep.

The pets? No they are fine too.

Rather I have a Vampire issue. A friend sent us season 2 of True Blood and every night once the kids are in bed, Adam and I are watching 1 or 2 episodes... *blush* not only have I become hooked on this, but I have hooked my poor husband in too.

So I'm sorry that I have been somewhat absent, but there is a reason. And take heart, that we are up to episode 8 of 12 tonight, so only a few more nights before I will be back, all yours again.

mmmm babies babies everywhere...

2010-01-24T21:01:00.002+11:00

...and before anyone gets excited I have not conceived the messiah... my tubes are tied, I am done with babies, but I am loving being at that age where all my friends are still reproducing.

Today I went with a good friend (E) to visit another good friend (J) and her first born son. He is just lovely. All small and squishy and delicious. She informed us that we arrived just as she had completed cleaning up an explosive poo, vomit and wee... gotta love little boys, so we were greeted with a lovely clean happy bubba.

The best bit for me, apart from the lovely cuddles, was seeing J actually looking very much at ease with a newborn. J is quite well known for her personal space issues, I didn't dare kiss or hug her on my arrival, I was too scared after being told she would thump me if I touched her pregnant belly. But to see her looking so much at ease with this little man was beautiful. J who really isn't all that into babies, has been bitten by the baby bug, by her own little precious baby bug and it was divine.

I was also just a little bit chuffed that I was able to help her get him attached without pain. He had done a bit of damage to her poor nipples but by talking her through baby led attachment and chanting at her chest to chest, chin to breast, she got him on and was comfortable. I recall those early days of feeding pain, until the wonderful LC came and sorted Stella and I out quick smart. I will be forever grateful to her.

Then later this afternoon I got a text message announcing the very early arrival at 28 weeks of another friends twin girls. Mum is naturally in shock, but the girls are in NICU and doing well as far as I can gather. Its going to be a long road for them and I wish there was something I could do. I really do feel helpless. I am not religious, so I do not pray, but if any of you do, please pray for 2 very special little girls and their family, who are religious. I will instead keep them in my thoughts and try to find something I can do to help.

For the record, I also have a cousin, sister-in-law to be and 2 close friends expecting this year... I'm tipping I will be adding to that 2 more rainbow crew who are trying to pro create, and a friend who has been trying for years, surely its her time in 2010.

So I discovered I got an award...

2010-01-20T22:42:00.005+11:00

From my good friend Sazz...there is a badge but it wont load for some reason

The rules are to share 10 honest facts about myself then give the award to 7 other bloggers who inspire me.

1. I hated my name until I was about 22. I wanted to change it to Mary-Jane because that was the MOST boring name I could think of. I actually used this as my pub name when I was younger.. boys: "hi, whats you're name?"me: "mary-jane" lol Now I LOVE it and would love nothing more than someone I know to use it for their daughter..

2. I am very much scared of cows. They completely freak me out. When I lived at home on 10 acres, if the cows were in the driveway, I would call mum and make her walk down to open the gate because I was too scared. If she wasn't home, I would go back out.

3. I used to work at McDonalds and i freaking loved it. We had so much fun, all the time. Despite the shitty hours, doing a close was always my favourite shift.

4. I did the nestle boycott for the week, but haven't bought Milo since or eaten any nestle chocolate. I cannot believe I have done so well. Well I haven't knowingly eaten it.

5. I used to be in baby shows all the time as a child. Before I became a big sister at 5, I had a whole room filled with shelves for all my trophies and sashes.

6. I cried at my last baby show, and thus won princess of the day. I was 4, almost 5.

7. I once put Xave in a baby show, and he won nothing. I wanted to cry. Seems I am one of 'those' parents who thinks her kid is beautiful but they really aren't. Now I am too scared to take Stella, because I KNOW she is beautiful and I'm scared they will ruin that illusion for me too.

8. I don't eat green food. Actually I don't eat many vegetables at all, I eat potato, corn, mushrooms and sweet potato.

9. I find blowing my nose in the shower satisfying.

10. I once told a class of year 7 boys that if they masturbated their penis's would fall off. some believed me. I did correct them before they left the class, but I did enjoy watching them squirm and worry for an entire lesson.

So the blogs I am going to pass this award along to, in no particular order are;

1. Holly and I have never met, although I do hope to play with her when I am in Sydney. She is one of my BabyCenter gang. I love reading her blog, she is clever and witty and warm. Plus she says really nice stuff about me all the time.

2. Ebony who is another BC girl from way back. She is brave, strong and upfront. You always know where you stand with Ebz, and her recent good news is just awesome. She is our latest Urban Legend.

3. Emma another BC girl. Em is responsible for bringing out the inner hippy in me. It is because of Emma that I use cloth nappies and breastfeed. She leads me down her path therefore I am her clone.

4. Leesa is a new friend of mine. Its amazing how the new people who have come into my life have done nothing but make me happy and bring new people into my life.

5. Nat one more BC girl who just blows my mind. If you have ever felt like your TTC journey has been hard, check out Nat's story. How she find it to keep going back for more never ceases to amaze me. Any child brought into that home by whatever means will be so blessed and loved.

6. Sarah is one of the happiest, friendliest people I know. She is so warm and welcoming and just a joy to be near. Let's hope she can teach me to be as clever as her at some point.

7. Jen is amazing. Another of my new friends from 2009 and someone I am so lucky to know. I watch Jen and wish I could be more like her. Her warmth, gentleness and compassion shine through.

Little bit proud...

2010-01-20T13:28:00.004+11:00

...of what I hear you wonder? Because I know you are all super interested in my life....lmao!

Well firstly I should update that the BEC went well (coz you were all just hanging out to know how that went weren't you?). Sazz and I rocked it, we had a few technical hitches, such as no white board (improvised using the back on laminated posters stuck to the wall) and the DVD wouldn't work (we had to suck this one up) but all in all it was a good first BEC. Room for improvement, always is, but a good base to start from.

However, I digress, that is not what I'm particularly a little bit proud of right now.

I am proud of myself for venturing out into an open space with both kids alone. OK, OK so I had friends there, and wonderful friends too, who all kind of watch each others kids, but it was a first for me. We often go out as a family to open spaces, but the thought of baby girl needing me while Xave bolts in the opposite direction terrifies me. It doesn't help that my son has absolutely no fear and a natural attraction to water. And well, there is my general contempt for the great outdoors and all things associated with it.

Jen & Jack and Sazz & Harriet, who we hung out with!

But yesterday I piled the kids in the car and headed off to the Frankston Children's Day at the Botanic Gardens. I decided to risk it and let the big boy walk from the car to the gardens while baby girl, (who had fallen asleep just as we parked the car), was in the pram, wide awake by this time as the car stopped. Xave does a good job staying close to me in shopping centers(chanting as he walks, "stay close to mum, stay close to mum, stay close to mum"), but this walk included crossing roads, walking past driveways and people's gardens. I was just a little nervous, but he was fantastic. He stayed close, he touched flowers, he said "hi" to a lovely old lady whose garden he picked a flower from and he happily held my hand as we crossed roads.

We quickly found our friends and scabbed a spot on their picnic rug. Ours was in Adam's car. Not long after we arrived a kid's band started playing, Xave loves music and dancing, so he had a ball doing the actions, clapping, jumping, flapping... and Stels was also happily kicking her legs in the pram. They both ate their boring vegemite sandwiches I packed for them, and shared some watermelon that our friends had. Xave also wandered over to the picnic rug behind us and helped himself when he saw they had chips. At least he said chips please and thank you, he might be a scabby seagull, but he is a seagull with manners.

The kids band was followed by African Drumming, again he enjoyed all the dancing that was encouraged with that. He did some tree climbing with his friends, Stella joined if for a photo op before we packed up and headed home.

He was happy to hold his friend, Harriet's hand, as we left. Harri, was in 7th heaven with this. She is a very tactile little girl who love hand holding and hugs, but her best friend Iris isn't so keen on this invasion of her personal space, so Harri was thrilled that Xavier was so happy to walk holding her hand. Harri's mumma, Sazz, and I have been planning our children's wedding and the beautiful grandbabies we are going to have, for a while now. We did turn our backs for a second to get cameras out and lo and behold the 2 of them were nicking off into the bushes.. going to have to watch those 2 as they get older.

Xave and Harri planning their great escape

The kids had eaten but the parents were ready for lunch. I knew my 2 cherubs, despite being so amazingly behaved at the festival, were not going to last much longer. So I suggested we all come back to our house so my 2 could have a sleep (yeah right!) It was great, watching the kids all play together, Xave refused to wear pants once he was in the comfort of his own home, but they all had a ball.

It was a great day. I learnt that my son can be trusted to stay close even with roads nearby, I learnt that I can go out in open space alone and that when its not stinking hot and a little bit overcast I can enjoy the great out doors, despite my favourite cardigan ending up covered in pine needles...

My return to the classroom...in a sense...

2010-01-18T16:51:00.002+11:00

...not as a student but as a teacher of sorts.

For those who don't know, in my past life, before children, I was a high school teacher. I taught English and Literature, and I loved it.

But tonight I am trying something new and exciting. I will be assisting with a Breastfeeding Education Class (BEC) that is being run by my ABA region. The BEC's are aimed at pregnant couples and cover a range of information I wish I had known before I had Xavier. I attended one while I was pregnant with Stella, and thoroughly recommend them for everyone expecting.

Last year I put my hand up to be the BEC coordinator for our region. This doesn't mean that I do it all, but it does mean that I am the point of contact and ensure that there are people there to run the session successfully. And tonight is our first BEC of 2010.

My first job was to form a BEC working committee, we have renamed ourselves the BEC'eisteddfod committee (a throwback to my time running rock eisteddfods while I was teaching) and make some decisions about how the BEC's are best to be run. The main thing was that instead of running 4 BEC's a year, we felt that we needed to run them monthly, so this is our first of monthly BEC's for 2010 and we have 6 couples booked in.

I am lucky to have some very experienced BEC'sters attending tonight, as well as the wonder Sazz who has been practicing her section on Baby Led Attachment all day. I am hoping in the next few weeks to have a meeting to work out our very own BEC handbook for those in our region to have on hand, this will be based on the BEC handbook issues by ABA.

I went this arvo to buy tea, coffee (regular and decaf) and hot choc for the expectant parents and am looking forward to tonight being a huge success.

There will be plenty of rubber boobs to pass around, dolls to practice positioning on and a real life breastfeeding demo.

I will update as to how the night went later.. but wish us luck..

Waterfront Festival...

2010-01-16T21:56:00.003+11:00

Today I put on my volunteer hat and womaned the ABA feed and change tent at the Frankston Waterfront Festival. It was a lovely 31 degrees with a cool breeze. We had a constant stream of mums popping in to pop our their boobs and feed, was lovely being able to chat to these women.

I helped at the ABA tent for a few hours, then after they had a sleep Adam bought the kids down to check it all out. So check it out we did.

There was live bands, rides and a baby animal farm for the kiddies. There was beach volleyball going on (Adam was a bit disappointed that it was the men's when we went down to have a look) as well as some AMAZING food stalls, I had Indian for lunch, yummo, then I had my first crepe, a banana and nutella one...noice.

The baby animal farm had the cutest little black piglet there, I swear he was the size of a kitten and just beautiful (although I just realised I didn't get a pic of him). I did feel sorry for him though, when he was picked up by the lady running the farm and he started nuzzling in the crook of her elbow the way Stella did as a newborn searching for boobie. Poor little piggy wanted his mumma's boobies too. When I said "oh look, he wants boobies" to Xavier, the lady said, yes, but we are out of goats milk ...ummm but he's a PIG not a goat? Seems we aren't the only species to drink the milk of another....

Xavier and Stella were both rather taken with the rabbits, yah! Because I would love to have a pet rabbit once they get older, and once our cat and dog pass over, neither would be good with a pet bunny. I had one as a kid and loved him. His name was Bugs (original) we got him as a 6 week old baby and he was house trained (he used kitty litter). He was HUGE, white and lovely.

We also had some ice cream. And now that Stella is eating real people food, she felt it was only fair that she had some ice cream too. She loved it, I ended up handing over the end of mine to her just to stop the tantrum that was brewing.

Yvette was missing her own children (who are grown and who were meeting her later in the day) so reminded me instead that I would get burnt if I didn't put some sunscreen on. Luckily she had some on her (always the mum... mine was in the nappy bag, just to clarify I'm not some neglectful non sun screening mother) But Yvette was right I did get burnt. Nothing too serious, but there is some pink on my arm and chest, and I have super cool sunglasses marks.... lovely.

I had a lovely day, talking to breastfeeding mums, handing out information to pregnant mums and spending time down the foreshore with the kids and Adam. And even he enjoyed himself too!

Hard to find...

2010-01-15T21:14:00.005+11:00

Its hard to find pics of me that I actually like. They are few and far between... but they do exist.. so I thought I would share some pics of me that I like...

This is me and my cousin's baby, Caleb. It was Christmas 2004, they had come down from QLD for our wedding. He was the smallest baby I had ever held. In this pic he was about 8 weeks old.

This is the only one of our wedding pics that I like. Out of about a million photos, this is the one I am happy with. My sister did a great job of my makeup and its such a lovely pic of my nan's necklace, which was left to me. I also wore it for my Deb and to her funeral. It has been in the family for over 100 years now.

This is the morning that I had Xavier. I was 37 weeks pregnant... I thought I was huge, I was sooo much bigger with Stella. I love being pregnant. Being pregnant with Xavier was a joy. For someone who was so sick she has to be hospitalised, I felt amazing. Pregnant with Xave gave me great skin and freaking amazing hair. Note the blow wave...lol

This is in theatre before I had Stella. Its just so typical of me to pull stupid faces. I know why I do it too, its so if the photo is horrible I can claim that that's the look I was going for. Being pregnant with Stella really brought out the spattering of freckles I have.

This is one of the first pics of Stella and I. Before she was named Stella, that didn't come for a few hours. In this photo, I just get the feeling I was telling her some amazing secret. My lips look like they are telling her something important, maybe how happy I am that she is here.

Note in all of these pics, double chin is concealed. good planning.

There are some features of me that I do like though. I adore my nose. Its small and cute, and I'm oh so glad that Stella has it. Its my favourite personal feature. I like that I have good straight teeth. Although after smoking as a youngin', and drinking waaaay too much coffee as a teacher they really could be whiter. And I love how my lips look with gloss on them. But who has time for gloss anymore. Maybe I should make time, might make this run down old mumma feel a bit more spesh.

So it's not all doom and gloom, I may have a fat arse but I have great (and very clever boobs) and a cute nose.

Do you pop?

2010-01-14T19:27:00.002+11:00

Pop? Huh? WTF is she rambling about now?

Do you just pop in to visit people?

Personally, I love it when someone pops in to visit me. Well, as long as they don't expect a spotless house, but honestly, I adore the pop in. I don't care if you call or text first, or if you were just in the area, decided to drive on past, saw my car in the driveway so popped in. I love it all.

The irony of the situation is that I never do the pop in. I rarely invite myself places, its just not in my nature, I feel rude intruding without an invite, but then feel all left out when I know friends have caught up and not invited me. And wonder if I should have invited myself?

By the way, this is not coming from any event in particular. So, all my real life friends can relax, this is not a subtle dig at anyone. It's also not an attempt to make you feel like you have to invite me to everything you do.

Why do I even have this on my mind I hear you ask. Every year around this time I get all weird about friends. Don't ask me why, because I really don't know. I think its the whole, Christmas, New Years thing. By nature I am a social person. I like to talk (well, no shit says anyone who knows me IRL), in fact I often suffer severe verbal diarrhea. But I find myself, as I age, getting less and less social.

Part of it obviously is the kids. Unlike some, I don't have kids that cope well without sleep, they don't sleep just anywhere, and when they are tired they are feral to the max. So any social engagements need to be carefully planned around them.

Part of it is that I married a wonderful man, who is very shy and introverted. Seemed like a good idea at the time, he lets me talk all I want...lol.. but he doesn't enjoy being in big social settings where he doesn't know people. Actually, he doesn't enjoy being in small social settings either. He is a lovely guy, he is funny (he can be hilarious) and genuine, but he is shy and often that comes across as disinterest in those around him. So taking him out to somewhere I know he is going to be uncomfortable, just means that I'm going to be worried about how he is coping and not really enjoying myself. So I say no to lots of invites because I know it will make him feel uncomfortable. This is not an attack on him, its not his fault. He often tell me to go alone, and sometimes I do, but then I feel bad for leaving him home alone, or stuck with the kids and I don't have a good time anyway.

Part of it is my self consciousness about how I look. It just occurred to me the fatter I get, the less social I get. Interesting, *lock that gem away to be psychoanalysed at another time*.

The final part is fear. Fear that Adam and I are turning into his parents. Who are lovely people, don't get me wrong, but they are not social at all. For as long as I've known them (over 12 years), they have never had friends over or gone to visit friends. Sheesh, they only visit family at Christmas. They don't go out for dinner and they don't go to work functions. They don't actually have friends. And becoming that scares the bejeebus out of me.

So each year at this time I promise that I am going to become more social than the year before. And in 2009 I made some progress. I started music classes with the kids, we all love it. I started going to ABA and met some awesome people there, I even managed to find reasons to hang out with some of them outside of ABA. I have made an effort to catch up with a few old school friends, and always have a great time. But my mothers group that I loved so much has all but disbanded. I miss that, I miss it for me and I miss it for the kids.

This year we are starting swimming and tumble gym with the kids. I am looking forward to the kids getting out more as well as myself.

But I would really like to make the effort to have regular catch ups with friends. I'm an organiser, I love the idea that the first Monday night of every month i see friend 1, and the last weekend of the month we all go out with the friend 2 family, etc, etc. I crave spending time as a family with other families. While we have friends with kids similar age, we don't do stuff together. But I need it for me, I want it for my children and I think Adam would benefit too.

So to finish this post, I offer this to my friends... please feel free to pop in whenever you like. If I am here, you are welcome here. Please don't wait to be invited, I assume that you are busy having a life and if you wanted to play you would ask (while that's not something I do myself, hypocrite right), if you, like me, crave time with others and would like to be my regular catch upin my life of schedule... let me know. Please save me from becoming my in-laws.